


Calls of Fate

by ObsidianRomance



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Anal Sex, Angst, Artificial Insemination, Bottom Jared, EMT Jared, Kissing, M/M, Mpreg, OFC - Freeform, OMC - Freeform, Past Relationship(s), Riding, Slow Build, Surrogacy, There is reference to the fact that they might switch but right now:, Top Jensen, graphic birth, mpreg Jensen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-13
Updated: 2014-10-13
Packaged: 2018-02-21 02:20:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 32,765
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2451068
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ObsidianRomance/pseuds/ObsidianRomance
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jensen wasn't supposed to have a baby. Jared wasn't supposed to help deliver that baby. But life has a way of not working out the way it is supposed to, leaving EMT Jared Padalecki shocked when he comes face to face with his high school boyfriend after 9 years apart. Jared wasn't expecting to see Jensen Ackles again, let alone help to deliver his child after he responds to an emergency call. Now they are both looking at people from their past and Jared's learning there is a lot more going on under the surface of Jensen's life than just being a first time father with a newborn.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Crossing Paths

**Author's Note:**

> This was written for SPN_Mpreg Big Bang. I really enjoyed working on this story and I wrote it a few months ago. The art was created by the very talented Emma ([Uke-Sama](http://uke-sama-sensei.livejournal.com/)) and I adore it! It is so wonderful and captures the nature of the story perfectly. Thank you so much my dear!
> 
> Also: In regards to the fact that the boys do refer to who is going to top and bottom, I just want to let people know that switching does not come up in this story but it is referenced that it might happen. If you HATE bottom Jared, then just skip the ending of Chapter 4. You don't need it to understand the story.
> 
> [](https://www.flickr.com/photos/85421651@N04/15343381649)

[ ](https://www.flickr.com/photos/85421651@N04/15526893681)

“Hey, Sarah, how do you like bein’ an EMT so far?” Jared says with a slight turn of his head towards the passenger seat.

“It’s...it’s good so far. I thought it would be a lot more nerve wracking but I’m good.” Sarah directs a shaky smile towards Jared and brushes back the wisps of hair that have escaped her ponytail.

“That’s because I’m taking it easy on you. Plus, while I’m breaking you in, dispatch knows not to send any intense situations unless it’s an absolute emergency.” The radio crackles and Jared’s smirk is warped into a look of complete concentration.

_“Padalecki, you in the area of Bradley Avenue? Cross street, Robinson Drive?”_

Jared grabs the radio, his thumb pressing down the button on the side so he can speak. “Yeah, not far from there. What you got for me?”

_“Got a call from a man in labor over at the Bradley Apartment Complex, fourth floor. Sounded like he’s pretty far gone. You and the newbie think you can handle this or should-”_

Jared lowers the radio and raises an eyebrow towards Sarah. “What do you think, rookie? Think you can handle a little labor and delivery?”

Not willing to look bad while in the middle of her training, Sarah’s answer is on the edge of being too enthusiastic. “Yeah, how hard can it be, right?”

“Right.” Nodding, Jared shifts the ambulance into the next lane, already in route towards Bradley Avenue. “What’s the address?” he asks into the radio.

_“Apartment 7D. He said the door is unlocked for you. We can send back up.”_

“Probably not necessary but have people on standby if they are available. ETA, 5 minutes.” With that, Jared hooks the radio back into place and focuses on maneuvering the vehicle around the light traffic building around them. It had been a pretty easy day on the job and he figures a hands-on medical situation will help him assess if Sarah has what it takes or not. She is a nice girl, smart in all the ways she has to be, but book smarts mean nothing if she can’t jump in and act when the situation gets tough.

Jared beats his estimated arrival time by thirty seconds and manages to spend the extra time gearing up, bringing an emergency delivery kit with him just in case they can’t get the man to the hospital in time.

“Sarah, come on. Catch.” He throws a second set of supplies at her and slams he ambulance’s back door before jogging his way towards apartment 4D.

With Sarah scrambling to keep up with him, he finds the apartment without a problem, the door left open just as he had been told.

“Hello?” He knocks on the door as a warning. “Sir? I’m an EMT. I got a call that you were in a bit of a dilemma here.” Pausing his movements, Jared listens for anything to indicate that it isn’t a false alarm. Proof that he’s needed comes in the form of a groan from down the hallway to his left. “Sir? We’re here to help.” Taking off towards the sound, he finds it muffled behind a door. Knocking once, he pushes the door open to reveal a bedroom with a very obviously pregnant person curling around his belly.

With a nod of his head, Jared indicates that Sarah should follow him inside.

The person in the middle of the bed seems aware of their presence but not focused enough to do anything about it, choosing instead to let out a pained moan and bury his face in the pillow. It is hard to get a clear picture of the man, but Jared knows enough to be certain that he is _“pretty far gone”_ as stated earlier. “Sir,” Jared repeats as he places a hand on the man’s shoulder.

The physical connection makes the man turn towards Jared, his eyes blinking open to reveal worried green ones. He gasps, but this time it is one of shock rather than discomfort.

Jared echoes the same gasp. “Jensen?”

“Jared?”

They stare at each other for a moment, prompting Sarah to look from one man to the other in an attempt to figure out what is going on.

Jared’s head is spinning. He hasn’t seen Jensen Ackles since his junior year of high school or, more accurately, the summer before his senior year. He and Jensen had gone to the same school, and while they were a year apart, they had instant chemistry. They’d been hot and heavy until things changed even though Jensen said they wouldn’t. The minute Jensen graduated from high school, his parents forced him into a college ten states over, leaving Jared to start out his senior year single and with the type of broken heart that teenage angst morphs into something debilitating. And now, after eight years, Jared is staring down at Jensen Ackles. A very pregnant Jensen Ackles. That fact alone has Jared’s thoughts doing back flips. Jensen…Jensen was not the poster boy for pregnancy. It actually makes Jared blink twice to make sure it is actually Jensen who he is looking at because the Jensen he knew was too determined to ignore his carrier status. “Jensen?” Jared asks again, this time the disbelief in his voice saturates every word to its fullest.

“What the hell are you doing here, Jared?” The words are about as confused as they can get. Jensen lets out quick, short breaths, eyes scanning the room and making note of Jared’s attire. He fills in his own blanks and nods. “You’re the EMT.”

“Yeah. I am.” Jared scratches at the back of his head. Whatever he’d felt for Jensen after that summer eight years ago, wasn’t there. It was a hurt that healed itself as he’d grown into an actual adult. What is there, is an understanding of who this person was and a curiosity as to how Jensen had gotten himself into the situation at hand. Instinct kicked in along with his training to help a person in need and Jared feels only concern for Jensen. He snorts a laugh at the thought that his 17 year old self would kick his ass right now. He’d sworn back then that if he’d ever met Jensen Ackles again, he’d give him a piece of his mind and teach him a lesson about what happens to men who are careless with other people’s hearts. It is funny that the urge to do so is gone. Instead, he can’t remember much of that anger. The only thoughts that come to his head are good ones, ones about how Jensen taught him to be physical with another man and live like he didn’t have to apologize for wanting to do so. As cliché as it is, old crushes die hard and Jared has no idea what to do with himself.

"Of course you are," Jensen says with a huff and a defeated roll of his eyes. Looking about as helpless as someone could, the huff turns into a whine as he scrunches his eyes closed.

That helplessness is something Jared can't remember seeing on Jensen's face before but that was a long time ago and he thinks maybe he has forgotten it. Still, it leaves him with a momentary lapse of feeling out of place in the situation. Instead of actually doing something productive, he gets stuck staring at Jensen, his grip on the medical supplies tightening by the second.

"What?" Jensen asks through clenched teeth.

"Jus'...Just didn't expect to see you again...let alone like _this_...having a baby." The thought sends Jared's head spinning all over again.

Jensen's response is quick on his lips even though it is clearly a struggle for him to get it out. "It's not mine...I mean...it is...but," letting out a loud breath, he concludes with, "it's complicated." Tensing up again, his fingers clutch at his distended middle and his breathing rises to panicked levels.

The sounds coming out of Jensen’s mouth are enough to kick Jared back into action. He has a job to do, one that is more important than reliving past memories in his head. “Looks like you’re ready to have that baby. How about Sarah and I help you to the ambulance so we can get you some help with that?”

Jensen’s only response is to shake his head “no” several times before squeezing his eyes closed and tensing his whole body like he is bearing down.

“Shit,” Jared swears under his breath. “Are you…are you pushing?” Dropping the medical gear on the bed, he puts his hands on Jensen’s middle.

“Fuck, yes, I’m pushing…nngh!” Jensen keeps shaking his head like he is trying to refuse more than just going to the hospital.

If Jensen is pushing like that, Jared knows there isn’t any time for the hospital. Turning to face Sarah, he gives an urgent gesture towards Jensen with a nod of his head. “Help me get his pants off so I can see what I’m working with here.” Putting a hand on Jensen’s knee, Jared tries to keep his voice calm. He is good at that, considering he’s been in the line of fire during too many high intensity situations to keep track of. “Hey, Jensen? It looks like your baby doesn’t feel like waiting. Sarah and I are gonna help get your pants off so I can see what’s going on. Okay? Try to keep calm and don’t push for a second.” When Jensen snorts at him, Jared adds, “I know. It’s difficult. Just _try_.”

Straining, Jensen puts in a good effort of trying to fight off the urge to push. “Fucking burns.” Looking up at the ceiling, his resolve breaks into a million pieces. “God…I… _of course_ I’m having this kid alone in my apartment. That’s all my fault. I didn’t want anyone to…” Jensen’s words trail off into a cry and he gives up trying to talk.

Certain he’s heard concern in Jensen’s voice, Jared keeps up his calm narrative of what’s going on. “Having a baby in an apartment isn’t so bad. It could be worse. At least you have some privacy and the comforts of your own home. I’ve delivered babies in the middle of a shopping mall or a grocery store. Trust me, not fun. You’re going to be fine. I’ve delivered a lot of babies, all safely and soundly.” With Sarah’s help, he is able to get Jensen’s pants off, freeing the man’s legs so they can splay on either side of Jared as he kneels in front of him.

Sarah’s gasp escapes despite the hand she’s placed over her mouth, wincing in sympathy at what she sees. “Jared…that’s…”

“The head, yeah.” Licking his lips, Jared swallows. “Can you get me a towel or something soft? And then grab the suction and clamps from the supply kit?” Waiting for Sarah’s silent nod, he looks back at Jensen. “Baby’s starting to crown; that’s why it’s burning.”

Legs shaking, Jensen scoots backwards on the bed, propping his back up against the headboard. He shakes his head again. This time, when he opens his eyes, the fear is practically palpable. “It’s not…none of this was supposed to happen.”

Jared isn’t exactly sure what he means by that, but considering the fact that all people carrying a child to term know they’re going to have to give birth one day, he assumes it is the fact that Jensen is doing it all by himself with only Jared and Sarah to aid him. Snapping on gloves, he nods in understanding. “I know, Jensen. It’s probably not what you had planned but these little guys,” Jared puts a palm over the middle of Jensen’s swell, “have a way of coming when they want to. And right now? Your baby’s coming. So I need you to push all the way down here,” he applies the slightest amount of pressure where the baby is starting to crown, “as hard as you can and for as long as you can.”

This time, Jensen nods. After taking three gulps of air like he’s gearing up for it, he growls through a long push. He keeps going as he digs his heels into the mattress and tucks his chin to his chest while working on clearing the head.

“That’s great!” Jared smiles while using his fingers to help the skin part. “You keep doing that and your little…” pausing, he catches Jensen’s eyes. “Do you know what you’re having?”

Eyebrows furrowed together while he catches his breath, Jensen huffs out, “boy. A boy.” Biting his lip, he starts pushing again; this time his fingers clawing at the bed sheets and he ends the effort on an exhausted yell.

“Perfect. Come back at it. Do it again.” Jared watches Jensen work, seeing the rounded skull push forward and struggle to break free of the birth canal. “The little guy’s almost here.” Giving a quick look to make sure Jensen is holding up, Jared goes back to focusing on the baby. Knowing it is a boy makes the baby more real for him and he hopes Jensen can power through the pain and concentrate on that fact. “You got a name yet?”

Busy with pushing again, Jensen doesn’t answer right away. He lets out a strangled yelp of pain before he feels everything shift and his eyes go wide when another push earns him the realization that he’s just delivered the baby’s head. “Holy…fuck! Out! Jared! I…” Frantically, he gulps down air and twists his head to the side.

“Shh, you’re okay. It’s okay.” Jared helps guide the baby’s head, letting it rest in his hand as the baby turns. Suctioning its mouth and nose is an automatic reflex and a simple task for Jared. It becomes obvious that the angle in which the baby had been pushed out thus far is a bit off; nothing for Jared to be too concerned with but it is going to make things a bit harder for Jensen. “The head’s out and you’re doing great. Here. Feel.” Jared disentangles one of Jensen’s white knuckled hands from the bed sheets and coasts it over the wet, matted scalp of the baby. “See what you did? You got his head out; no problem.”

“I…” Jensen’s breathing quivers as he blinks up at Jared. “He’s okay?”

“Great so far. The rest is going to be a little harder, though. His shoulders are a bit stuck but you can still get him out. I’m just going to turn your hips a little bit, okay? Kind of like you’re laying on your side?” When Jensen nods his head, Jared helps him shift, landing him on his right side with his left leg hovering. “Sarah, hands on training. Help hold his left leg up and open.”

“Like this?” the girl asks.

“Perfect. Okay, Jensen, want to try pushing like this?” Jared shifts his own positioning, solidifying his kneeling crouch on the mattress. He’s been this deep into delivering a baby before, but this is the first time he’s known the person doing all the pushing and grunting. Watching a baby come into the world isn’t an uncomfortable position for him but looking at Jensen straining to do so makes him nervous, like this instance counts more than the rest. The situation comes with a weighty sense of importance and Jared can’t shake the feeling of needing to make Jensen understand just how good at his job he is. It isn’t about proving himself exactly, but he needs to make sure he doesn’t let Jensen down, hence the rush of adrenaline keeping him on edge.

Jensen swallows thickly and tries to push but backpedals immediately. “I can’t. No…I…” Squeezing his eyes shut, Jensen starts panting and lets out a choked sound. Words desperate, Jensen stares up at Jared with wet eyes. “I just want him safe.”

“He’s perfectly safe. We just have to work together to un-stick his shoulders and then you’ll get him out no problem. Okay?” Jared puts a hand on Jensen’s hip in an attempt to bring him back to the task at hand. Jensen seems anxious in a way Jared has never seen him before. “Come on, just try pushing. You’re doing really well so far. You and…you got a name?” Jared asks again.

“Aaron.” Jensen wheezes out as he groans. “Aaron Josh…A.J.” Curling his hand into a fist, Jensen gives in and bears down, biting his lip to stifle a yell.

The push succeeds in getting the baby moving again and Jared cheers. “See, your doing good. A.J. is almost here.” Through his smile, Jared’s head turns over memories and recollections that Jensen had an older brother named Josh. They’d never met, considering he’d been in college while he and Jensen were still in high school, but he remembers the name. He doesn’t have much time for thoughts because A.J. is in a rush and Jensen screams. “Can you push again, Jen?” The nickname slips from his lips easier than it should have.

Thrashing his head from left to right, Jensen strains and vocalizes his way through several more pushes, all of them a bit erratic.

“Focus, Jensen. Just a few more really good pushes and you’re done. You’re working his shoulders out. Okay? Just… _focus_.” The moment blurs out the rest of the scene, leaving Jared with the feeling of just the three of them: him, Jensen, and A.J. His hands guide the baby and he holds his breath as each tiny shoulder squeezes out.

“Augh!” Giving it everything he has left, Jensen curls in on his belly, pushes hard, and lands himself on his back again, panting heavily. “Oh my fucking god!”

“That’s it!” Jared catches the slippery baby, watching his floppy limbs stiffen and fight back as he adjusts to the world outside of Jensen’s belly. “Hi, little boy.” Jared smiles up at Jensen. “You got yourself one good looking son.” Sarah must have provided him with a soft cloth because Jared found himself rubbing A.J. vigorously, getting his lungs working and pinking him up. The baby gives a loud, wet cry and it echoes through the room. By the time Jared is done, A.J. has really gotten going and is letting out loud wails between each trembling breath.

For as exhausted as he is, Jensen becomes desperate. He props himself up on his elbows and makes grabbing motions towards the baby. “I…can I…I _need_ to hold him.”

“Yeah. Of course. I just gotta clamp this,” Jared says as he reaches for a clamp and adheres it to the umbilical cord. His heart tightens at the concern that has yet to leave Jensen’s eyes. It seems natural to Jared that a new parent would want to meet their newborn but there is something he’s never seen in the way Jensen’s growing frantic for contact. Lifting the naked baby up and supporting his rump, he places him gently against Jensen’s chest. “Here you go.”

Jensen wraps his arms around the crying baby and holds him close. His lips brush up against A.J.’s wet head and falls into a repetitive kissing motion, peppering his new skin with the gesture. “Oh, look at you,” Jensen breathes out against the baby’s cheek. He studies him for a moment before closing his eyes and resting their head’s together. “Sweetheart…you’re safe. No one’s gonna take you. You’re here. I’ve got you.” Voice cracking, Jensen licks his lips and let them linger on A.J.’s round cheek.

The baby, who had been fussing loudly minutes ago, starts to calm down. With Jensen’s arms wrapped protectively around him, he manages to grab onto Jensen’s finger and hold on out of sheer instinct. His wails become whimpers by the time he finally opens his eyes and braves a look at the outside world. Squinty and angry looking, he curls into Jensen’s hold.

Jensen is so lost to the baby that Jared keeps the thoughts in his head to himself. He lets them have this, seemingly, much needed moment while dealing with the afterbirth that Jensen barely recognizes passing. The bed is a mess and Sarah looks a little seasick but everyone came out in one piece.

Though Jensen looks better than Jared would have ever thought at age 17, there is something _off_. The way he clings to A.J. and sneaks protective glances around the room, like someone’s prepared to appear, leaves Jared with questions and a general feeling of uneasiness.

He’s called dispatch to inform them that he just delivered a baby and is going to take father and child in for medical attention as soon as he gets Jensen stable enough for transport. All he has to do now is try and figure out a way to break Jensen out of his trance.

In the end, Jensen does it for him. “Jared?” He shifts A.J. so that the baby is belly down over Jensen’s heart, his little head cradled in the crook of Jensen’s neck.

“Hmm?” Jared says as he finally peels off his bloody gloves.

“I can’t ask anymore of you…I _shouldn’t_. You’ve done…a lot. I…” He nibbles his lips nervously. “Thanks. Thanks for making sure he ended up safe and sound in my arms. But…Don’t let anyone take him from me. _Please?_ ”

The genuine despair in Jensen’s voice shakes Jared. “Take him? No one is going to take him. In fact, Sarah and I are going to get a stretcher and get you two to the hospital. You can hold onto him all you want. But…someone needs to check him out more thoroughly, Jen. He’s…he’s fine. Don’t worry…but…you know, just to be safe.”

“Just don’t let _them_ take him. Okay?” Jensen swallows and blinks so that the tears welling in his eyes fall.

Jared knows he has no right to agree. He has no clue what Jensen is even alluding to. But he can’t find the will to refuse him. He’d seen Jensen struggle and after all that hard work, the man deserves to relax, not worry about someone taking A.J. “No one is going to take him. He’s all yours now.”

“Is he?” Jensen asks with a hopeful lilt to his words.

“Yeah. You pushed him out. He’s all yours now. People generally don’t get returns on these type of things.” Laughing, Jared tries to defuse the tension.

He doesn’t expect Jensen to let out a relieved cry and nuzzle A.J. “See, Aaron, you’re mine. It’s going to be okay.”

Pausing his movements, Jared watches the two of them interact. The baby is red and new but he has those Ackles eyes already and he wonders how anyone could incite so much fear in Jensen. “Jensen, we gotta move you. I told the hospital we’d be there within the half hour. They’re all ready for you. I promise, you can hold onto him all you like while you’re with me. Okay?”

Nodding, Jensen sucks in his lip. The action makes Jared see the 18 year old young man he’d been head over heels for. While it’s unsettling to see the strength scared out of Jensen, the adoration he clearly bestows to the baby in his arms is enough to leave Jared smiling. He has a job to do and then another one after that, but he isn’t going to bring that up. He’d promised Jensen he’d be okay while he was under his care, and while that was only going to be a half hour, Jared isn’t going to break that promise.


	2. Reveals

[ ](https://www.flickr.com/photos/85421651@N04/15526893681)

Jensen’s world is, in every sense of the word, quite a whirlwind at the moment.

A year ago, when he offered to surrogate for his brother, Josh, he never thought he would be here. And, to be fair, he was never supposed to.

Now, however, A.J. is curled up in his arms and Jensen has all the paperwork that says he’s his. For keeps. For as long as either of their hearts are beating.

Jensen has gotten himself into a monumental clusterfuck and, by all means, he should be panicking. He’s done his fair share already but he shouldn’t be done with it yet. He hasn’t had nearly enough time to chisel out a space for a newborn in his life. It wasn’t supposed to be a problem because A.J. was supposed to be off living with Josh and Aaron.

Instead, Jensen’s got a needy two week old who has managed to fix himself like glue over Jensen’s heart and Jensen doesn’t want to ever let him go. The thought alone makes Jensen instinctively drop his chin and pepper tiny kisses along A.J.’s crown, just like he’s done a thousand times since he’s been born. It’s pretty much the first thing he did when Jared put him, all wet and new, in Jensen’s arms.

The thought of Jared makes Jensen freeze. It’s not truly embarrassment, but Jensen does feel his stomach tighten up at the fact that his high school boyfriend delivered his son. A son whose parentage is complicated and confusing. Even more puzzling is the fact that Jensen latched onto Jared like a lifeline who did his part in sticking by Jensen’s side until other duties pulled him away.

He shouldn’t be surprised by how complicated his life has become. He suffered whiplash from how quickly things have shifted gears and thank god for his mother stepping in to make sure A.J. has a nursery at Jensen’s apartment and a brand new mattress for Jensen, free of all the baby juices and blood he last saw it with. His parents and sister feel like the only people on his side right now because even his boss is giving him funny looks when he requests the paternity leave that he swore up and down he wouldn’t be taking. The fact that he took it and is sitting in the middle of his living room bouncing a fussy A.J. is surreal.

He’s also getting anxious about getting the little one to settle down because he doesn’t need another complaint from his neighbors or a dirty look when they cross paths.

“Come on, little guy. You’re dry. You’re full. You’re warm. What’s all the crying for?” Shushing against his temple, Jensen bounces him several more times, eyes turned towards the ceiling in defeat. “Come on, A.J. I don’t know what you want. _Please_.” When A.J.’s wails get louder, Jensen wants to cry himself. He’s tired, sore and feels like someone shook him up and all the “crazy” settled on the surface. “ _Come on_ ,” he pleads once more before a frustrated cry does leave his lips. He’s in so far over his head that he doesn’t know where to begin. Settling A.J. on his back in the corner of the couch, Jensen holds his head in his hands. “I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing,” he mumbles into his palms. It’s not an exaggeration. He didn’t plan on this and he’s learning as fast as he can but sometimes he thinks A.J. is as sad as he is. They’re both making things difficult.

The thing is: Jensen _loves_ A.J. He really does. Even when he’s miserable and feels like the shittiest father in the world, he _loves_ that baby. He _wants_ him, he just wants to be a better father as well. He wants to have everything together like Josh did. He supposes, it’s not a fair comparison since his brother had a head start. That doesn’t mean there isn’t a pang of sadness in his gut every time he wonders what Josh would do with A.J. or if Josh would be able to make him stop crying.

The doorbell rings and Jensen freezes, eyes wide like a deer in headlights. He scoops the crying baby into his arms and cradles him protectively. For a moment, he wonders if he can get away with pretending he’s not home but then his lagging brain realizes _everyone_ can probably hear A.J. making such a racket.

Swallowing thickly, he can feel the way A.J.’s cries vibrate through his chest and for one terrible second wonders if that is the last moment they’ll have together. His heart thumps wildly as he clears his throat and get to his feet. It is with shaky steps that he clears the distance to the door and braves a look through the peephole.

What he sees is entirely shocking. It’s Jared, his face a little too close like he’s leaned in himself in an attempt to check out the peephole. He is literally the last person on the list Jensen expected at his door. Unlocking the deadbolt and turning the key, Jensen pulls the door open, only it gets snagged on the small chain lock he forgot to disengage. His eyes meet Jared’s through the sliver of open door and he licks his lips nervously. “Uh, sorry about that.” Closing the door once again to remedy the situation, Jensen throws it open to leave them both face to face. “Jared,” he breathes out with as much shock as he feels. “I...what are you doing here?” The question isn’t meant to sound as rude as it does but it’s the thing Jensen _really_ wants to know and he can’t stop it from slipping out.

Jared twists his head at the evidence of locks peeking out from the edge of Jensen’s doorframe. “Some ‘Keep Out’ policy you’ve got here. You don’t exactly live in a shady part of town…” Jared shrugs. “Glad that deadbolt wasn’t thrown the last time we met. I’d ‘ave never gotten in here in time.”

Jensen doesn’t bother to inform him that there wasn’t a deadbolt last time. It’s new. One week and 4 days new. Taking a lungful of air, he repeats himself. Thankfully, A.J. has dialed it down to a whimper as Jensen coasts a protective hand up his back to settle his big palm so it cradles the baby’s head.

Jared scratches at the back of his neck and gives a nervous laugh to fill the silence while he figures out how to word a response. “I...uh...was in the area and now that I know where you live and all...I thought maybe I would check on you and A.J. Last time I saw you was pretty hectic and I…” Shutting himself up by shaking his head, Jared snorts. “So...yeah…”

Braving a step outside the front door and looking left to right, Jensen can’t spot anyone. Still, he’d rather not be caught in the hallway having a conversation with Jared. As awkward as he knows it’s going to be, Jensen feels like he at least owes the man who delivered A.J. a friendly visit. “Come-come in.”

Jared hovers, readjusting the bag he’s got slewn over his shoulder. “You sure?”

“Yeah.” But Jensen’s not and they both know it. Diving into the situation, he ducks back into the apartment, footfalls light and bouncy like they’ve suddenly become every time he has A.J. in his arms. Thankfully, Jared follows him, allowing Jensen to lock up the door again. That fact takes Jensen’s pulse down a notch. “Umm...the house is a bit of a mess...new baby and all. You can...uh…” He pauses to shove all of A.J.’s baby stuff to one side of the couch. “Take a seat. You want anything to drink?”

“Water’d be great. Thanks. The ambulance gets pretty hot sometimes.” Dropping his bag on the couch, Jared’s eyes lower to A.J. and he smiles. “I can get it, though. You got your hands full. I think I know how to navigate most kitchens.”

“No, I - ” Jensen stops short when A.J. manages to spit up against his chest. “Okay, yeah, maybe that’s a better idea.” Making a head gesture towards the kitchen, he gives an apologetic smile. “Glasses are in the cabinet to the left of the sink. There’s ice in the freezer.” When Jared follows his directions, Jensen pries A.J. away to realize his shirt isn’t salvageable. Shaking his head at how his life has suddenly become one where he’s covered in baby drool, he pads towards his bedroom to clean both of them up. A.J. is fussing more now and gets louder when Jensen has to deposit him in the middle of his bed in order to change his shirt. “A.J., seriously. You gotta stop with the clinginess. I love ya too but dad needs to _not_ smell like formula and baby spit-up right now. Okay?” Making quick work of redressing, Jensen turns his attention to his son. A.J. cries a lot for someone who’s most stressful item on his to-do list is pooping. His mom says it’s normal, that Jensen cried a lot too. Still, Jensen isn’t used to things that happen without a definite solution. “Come on, fussy, let’s get you cleaned up too.” For the time being, Jensen’s keeping everything A.J. related close at hand. The baby’s crib, changing table, and a small set of drawers are all crowding up the space Jensen’s never shared with anyone. There are other rooms in the apartment but the mere thought of letting A.J. sleep in them for the night turns Jensen’s blood cold.

The cool air hits A.J.’s naked belly and he screams. Unfortunately, once Jensen tugs a new onesie on him, he continues the hysterics.

“Everything okay?”

Jensen turns to see a concerned looking Jared standing in the doorway. “Yeah...uh, he’s kind of dramatic sometimes. He’s fine.”

“Whoa,” Jared breaths out with a whistle. “It looks like a baby department exploded in here.” He survey’s Jensen’s bedroom, which, to be fair, does actually fit the bill. “I didn’t mean to sound rude...it’s just...last time I was in here...it was a bit different.”

“You mean other than the whole having a baby in the middle of my bed thing?” Jensen raises and eyebrow with the added snark to his tone. “Sorry...just...that wasn’t one of my finer moments. And, _yeah_ , A.J. and I are still trying to figure out how to cohabitate.” Picking his son up, Jensen nestles him against his chest yet again. “So...anyway...I see you got that water,” he indicates towards the glass in Jared’s hand.

“Yeah, I,” Jared pauses and sighs. “Look, Jensen, I feel like I’m intruding and I didn’t mean to make you feel that way. I just wanted to check in on you because... _I dunno_...I just wanted to. But, clearly you’ve got your hands full and I’ll get out of your way.”

The words make Jensen’s heart stutter. He hadn’t meant to come off that way. Because, _yes_ , while he does have his hands full, he’s actually flattered by Jared’s visit. He hasn’t had much of that after _everything_ went down. “No, Jared. Stay. Listen...I’m sorry. It’s just...a lot. You know? I haven’t seen you in nine years and then you show up...and he,” he nods towards A.J., “shows up. It’s a lot. Not to mention I’m tired and stressed and probably way too bitchy for you to want to spend an extended period of time with me. Did I mention I’m tired?”

That has Jared laughing. “You did.” A true smile replaying the hesitant one, Jared steps in the room. “Can I help you? I can…” He pauses and sidetracks his conversation. “When’s the last time you ate?”

“Excuse me?”

“Ate. When’s the last time that happened?”

“Um...are we talking real food or things that come in bar form?”

Jared wrinkles his nose at the idea of surviving on protein bars. “Real food.”

Jensen’s stomach grumbles at the mention of food and he’s annoyed at his body for answering on its own. “Um, maybe yesterday. I had pizza. That’s real food, right?” Jensen shrugs because it’s not really his fault. He _can’t_ go food shopping, delivery is the only option, and when he does have the free time to eat, he’d rather spend it sleeping.

“No. It’s not.” Jared puts a hand on his hip. “Come on, I know it’s been nine years but the Jensen I knew understood the importance of proper nutrition.” He turns to walk towards the couch.

Curiosity makes Jensen follow him, getting him there just in time to see Jared pulling out two sandwiches from his bag.

“I thought - since it’s lunch time and all - you might be hungry. So, I brought a sandwich. One’s ham, one’s turkey. I didn’t know what you’d like. They’re both yours. You can save one for later if you want.” Holding both out to Jensen with a “you should know better” smirk on his face, he nods his head in encouragement for Jensen to take one.

“You...I…” Licking his lips, Jensen tries to comprehend what just happened. It’s nothing major, just a deli sandwich, but Jensen is _starving_ and two sandwiches are worth more than gold right now. “You should eat one.”

“I already ate. I told you, these are for you.” When Jensen doesn’t go to take the sandwiches, he puts them on the cocktail table in front of them.

“You didn’t have to do that.”

“I don’t have to do anything.”

“But you did.” Jensen says dumbly. “And thanks.” Jensen sits on the couch beside Jared. They’re way too close for comfort due to the fact that A.J.’s stuff is taking up a good portion of the couch, leaving the two men only one cushion to share. Biting his bottom lip, Jensen tries to figure out a feasible way to reach for the sandwich, eat it, and manage to make A.J.’s whimpers disappear.

“I can hold him. It that’s okay with you, of course.” Jared offers his arms in the universal sign for ‘I’ll take the baby.’

Things that Jensen has no right to think start rushing through his head. His protective brain should be completely against letting a near-stranger getting his hands on A.J. Only, Jared’s not a complete stranger. Well...he feels like one now but he wasn’t one once. Jensen’s memories get stuck on the Jared he used to know while trying to figure out the one sitting before him. He doesn’t know much about current Jared but the guy he used to date in high school was a decent human being. “Yeah, okay.” He passes A.J. to Jared and sits back to watch, like maybe they are going to have an adverse reaction to each other and he’s going to have to call 911. Only, Jared is the result of a 911 call so he figures if things go south, he’s fucked.

“Hey, little guy!” Jared’s voice immediately takes on a sing-song quality. “Who’s so cute? Huh? Is it you?” It takes a moment for Jared to readjust A.J. but eventually he gets him comfortably snuggled in the crook of his arm. “Aren’t you getting big, huh? You look like your daddy. Do you know that? I bet everyone tells you.”

Jensen can’t merge the baby-talk coming out of Jared’s mouth with the fact that said mouth belongs to an impressively large man. Blinking in shock at the fact that A.J. has gone quiet and is blinking sleepy eyes up at Jared, Jensen has to reevaluate the moment. He’s no longer afraid that A.J. and Jared aren’t going to work together; he’s afraid that Jared doing a much better job of fawning over the infant than he’ll ever do. “He does look that much like me,” is all Jensen can get out.

“You crazy? Of course he does.” Jared turns the goofy smile he’d been giving A.J. towards Jensen. “He’s a handsome little guy.”

Not sure if Jared just inadvertently called him handsome as well, Jensen raises his eyes. That silly grin on Jared’s face makes Jensen have to swallow once because it’s so familiar. He’d seen it before, nine years ago when Jared used to reserve it for him. Not wanting to go down that road, he pulls a sandwich onto his lap and unwraps it. “Thanks,” he says as a blanket statement and takes a huge bite out of the sandwich. “Oh my god,” he moans as he’s chewing it. “This is the best fucking sandwich.”

“It’s just ham and cheese.”

“I don’t care what it is. It isn’t from a microwave and there’s meat in it.” Jensen takes another bite. He gets caught up in eating, unaware that he’s making happy sounds until he catches Jared looking at him with a smirk. “What?”

“Dude, people should bring you sandwiches more often. Totally worth the appreciation you’re giving.”

“Shut up.” He blushes but doesn’t stop eating. He even pops his fingers in his mouth one at the time to rob them of any lingering sandwich traces. Eyeing the second sandwich he’d already settled on saving for later, he contemplates devouring it.

“Go ahead,” Jared says with the nod of his head. “I’ve eaten two sandwiches for lunch on any given day. You must be starving.”

Snagging it with a quick reflex, Jensen gets to work on eating the second sandwich. It’s even better than the first and he sighs happily at his first mouthful. “It’s good,” he gets out with a thankful smile towards Jared.

“Glad to hear it.” Jared bounces A.J. and tiptoes his fingers up his chest so that he can tap him on the nose.

Jensen catches the way Jared gives a sly, soft smile to A.J. and it send a rush of warm, calming energy through him. He looks pretty natural in the role. “You got any?” Jensen asks when he swallows enough to be understood.

“Kids? Nah, none of my own. I just have a bunch of friends _with_ kids. Mean’s I get to be Uncle Jay a lot.”

“Oh. I thought...you’re good with him. I don’t know what the hell I’m doing.” Jensen shrugs.

“Yeah, kinda thought that.” Twisting to face Jensen, Jared goes serious. “Tell you the truth, I was shocked when I got the call to assist a man in labor and found out that man was you. Never really figured you for paternal person.”

Jensen almost chokes on his food because Jared hit the nail on the head. Jensen _isn’t_ paternal. At least, he wasn’t. What he is, is a good brother. That’s what he’s always been. He’d do anything for his family. Now, everything’s different and A.J. is his family and he’s going to be the best damn father to him or die trying. “Yeah, well...things change.”

“Guess they do. You got this little guy,” Jared says as he turns A.J. to face outward more. “Just, never thought you’d change your mind. You were so set against it.”

It’s not an attack but Jensen’s too sensitive right now to not take it as one. “And _you_ were so set for it.”

Jared puts his one hand up in a yield. “Hey, I’m just saying. If we had to be born as carriers and stuff, I figured we were lucky enough to start our own families. Not everyone’s given that. I mean, come one, look at our families. My brother is sterile and I could have ended up that way too. But I didn’t and you didn’t.”

“My brother did,” Jensen mumbles.

“Oh.” Whatever Jared was going to say dies on his tongue.

The lighthearted mood they had going dies and they’re stuck looking at each other in silence. Jared’s got his baby and Jensen’s not sure how to move forward. It’s funny because he and Jared hit this impasse in high school. It’s not exactly why they lost track of each other but it didn’t help. He and Jared had met years before they dated, both figuring out early on what being a male carrier meant for them. It wasn’t until they got older that they realized what it meant for other people. The gene that allows a male the ability to get pregnant also has an adverse affect. It depends on the way things play out at conception. It’s a 50/50 chance, but either a man becomes a carrier and fertile or they are completely sterile. Jensen’s mother’s family carries that gene and when his brother Josh was born, he fell into the sterile category. It wasn’t a big issue for a long time but once hormones leveled out and adulthood started to rear its head, it meant a lot of different things.

For Jensen, it meant running from the idea of kids as fast as he could. He didn’t want them, and he didn’t want to carry them. He used to wish he and Josh had switched places. Wished that he’d been the sterile one who didn’t have to worry about teen pregnancy from either end. It wasn’t much fun.

For Jared, it meant that he wanted babies. Lots of ‘em. He didn’t know if he wanted to make them or carry them, but he wanted a family, the picket fence, and as many dogs as he had kids. Jensen was able to overlook that fact in high school when the chances of any relationship developing into something permanent were low.

When he’d gone to college, things got too complicated. Jared wanted promises and Jensen couldn’t commit himself to Jared when he wasn’t sure he’d be everything Jared hoped for in a partnership together.

They didn’t break up.

There was no fighting.

They just drifted.

And now, Jared’s staring at him, back in his life like he just blinked into existence again. Jensen feels like he needs to offer some explanation for things he’d done what feels like a lifetime ago. “Jay,” the nickname rolls off his tongue and they both freeze at it before moving on like it didn’t happen. “About that...back then...when I went away…”

“You don’t need to go there, Jensen. It’s in the past. Although, I hated your guts for a long time.”

“No. I do need to go there. I should have gone there forever ago. But I didn’t because...I’ve been running from things my whole life.” Jensen takes a calming breath. “You’re right. I never wanted kids. It freaked me out, you know? And you did. You were so gung-ho about it. Even when you were only seventeen. How could you be so certain then? I...I was a kid, Jay,” The nickname is back again but not with the previous hang-up. “In so many ways you were more grown up than I was. I had it all together on the outside. I was the confident, strong, ‘make no apologies’ kid you knew. But inside? I was a ball of frustration and hate and I couldn’t understand why I wasn’t my brother and he was me. I...wanted it to be that way. And...you wanted so many things that terrified me...so I went away and let you fade away. It’s cowardly and you deserved a lot better. But...It’s all I’ve got.”

Jared blinks for so long that Jensen is left to wonder what the hell is going on in his head. He’s pretty sure he just brought a thousand tear filled memories to the surface of Jared’s mind but it’s too late now. The words are out there and Jared doesn’t seem to know what to do with them.

Looking down at A.J., Jared chews his lips. “And then you had him.”

“After a whole bunch of messed up stuff, yeah. Then I had him. And I have no idea what to do with him but I love him even though he probably deserves better as well.”

“Bullshit, Jen. Every kid needs a parent who loves him. You’ll figure out the rest. You’re a better person than you give yourself credit for. A coward, maybe...but, you’re a lot of other good things too. You’re the most determined person I’ve ever met.”

Jensen snorts.

“I’m serious. You are. You...you were my first true love. You know that? I wanted to be just like you. Not in a creepy way but in the way in which I was strong like you. And...you left...I understand why _now_ , but then? Then I thought there was something wrong with me. Like...if I’d been better -” He cuts himself off and shakes his head. “It doesn’t matter. The point is...I hated you once. I don’t now. It’s okay. You hear me?”

“Yeah. Yeah, I do.” Jensen gives a relieved sigh and wipes at his eyes with the heel of his hand. “Shit.” He tries to laugh through the emotions bubbling up. “I’m a mess. I’m a crying, starving, baby-drooled on mess.”

“Your apartment’s a mess but you look pretty good for someone with a newborn.” Jared repositions A.J. so that the sleepy baby is resting his round cheek on his shoulder.

Jensen _is_ crying and he _is_ a mess but for a moment he forgets about that and laughs. He’s being a little overly emotional and sensitive but, considering all the things he’s been dealing with, he feels he earned himself a “maning-up” get-out-of-jail-free card.

The doorbell ringing zaps the smile from Jensen’s face and he widens his eyes while looking around frantically. Without warning, he leans forward and plucks A.J. off Jared’s chest in an effort to curl his own body around him. There is _no_ way that Jensen is going to let anyone take A.J from him. That’s the only thought playing on repeat in his head and he knows he shocked Jared by pulling the newborn from him so quickly but he doesn’t have enough control over his thoughts to care.

“Jensen, what the hell?” Jared’s on edge and feeding off of Jensen’s nervous energy. “What’s going on?” Tensing, his body seems to turn in an attempt to block Jensen whether he realizes it or not.

“I…” Jensen knows there is no possible way to actually explain the reasons why a doorbell is so terrifying. “Just...don’t open it.”

They stare at each other in silence and when a gentle knock raps on the door, Jensen flinches. After that, however, there is nothing.

Jared gets to his feet and heads towards the door and, despite Jensen’s attempt to reach out and catch his wrist, he reaches his destination.

“Jared! Don’t.”

Ignoring Jensen’s plea, Jared looks through the peep hole. “There’s no one there.” Shaking his head, he undoes all the locks and opens the door to verify his first assumption. What he _does_ find is a brown shipping box at the foot of the doorway. Cocking his head in curiosity, he pulls it into his hands and tosses it in the air as if testing the contents. “There’s a package for you.” He turns it to face Jensen, showing him his name clearly displayed on the shipping label.

Smacking a hand over his face and sighing, Jensen feels like a gigantic idiot. “Oh...I...ordered bottles for A.J. Totally forgot they were supposed to come today.” His panic subsides but embarrassment takes its place, flushing his cheeks.

Closing the door and locking it while Jensen eyes him to make sure each and every one is done properly, Jared comes back to sit beside the other man. “I might be overstepping, but what the hell was that?”

Swallowing thickly, Jensen knows he’s been enigmatic. He looks down at A.J. and kisses the soft smattering of hair on his head. “Sorry, I…” Meeting Jared’s eyes, Jensen doesn’t feel like he owes Jared much, but his heart is all twisted up with emotions and explaining the situation. “There are things you don’t understand.”

“Clearly.” Jared snorts and shakes his head. “Look, Jensen...if you’re afraid of something, _someone_ ,” he licks his lips before being about to get the next words out. “The baby’s other father, maybe…”

Jensen is quick to stop that train of thought with a forceful shaking of his head. “No. That’s not it. You wouldn't understand.” But it _is_ that, sort of. It’s so messed up and he’s got no right to unload all of this on Jared. But now that the issue is at hand, he feels his chest tightening up and he wants to lose himself to the mourning and crying and trying to forget his life prior to this exact moment.

“I guess I won’t right now but I _might_ if you explained. Because, if you’re in trouble, there are things you can do. People you can call. I’ve got a brother – Jeff, you remember Jeff? - on the police force and...and there’s,” Jared gets caught up in what he’s trying to say. He’s oozing sympathetic kindness and concern, just like the Jared Jensen had met ten years ago and swept him off his very large feet. “There _are_ laws that protect you, Jensen. And if it’s about A.J., well then there are laws that protect him too. If you don’t want him...if you feel like you can’t do it...you can drop him off places. No questions asked, no judgments made.”

“Fuck, no!” Jensen’s eyes go wide. “That’s not it at all. I...I’m crazy about him. So much so that I feel like I’ve gone insane or...just….no. No, that’s not it. It’s not A.J. He’s not going anywhere.” Jensen curls both arms around the baby to prove his point. He’s glad A.J.’s somehow managed to stay calm against the frantic tension radiating off of his father.

Putting his hands up in defeat, Jared looks like he’s rearing up for the most sincere apology ever. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to keep overstepping like that. But something’s got you scared Jensen. You’ve been squirrelly ever since I’ve arrived and, come to think of it, you were pretty scared the day A.J. was born. Aside from the usual fears of having a baby, your eyes kept darting around the room. Hell, you made me promise not to let anyone take A.J. from you. I thought it was just your rush of hormones talking, but now I’m not so sure.” Wetting his lips, he sighs. “Listen, I’m just not the type of person to walk away from another in need. So, if you need anything... I’m here, okay? If you need help… you can talk to me. I _want_ to help you, if you let me.”

Jensen feels the dam break inside his ribcage. He hasn’t had anyone but his immediate family on his side and a handful of friends who seem too busy to actually care about the situation. It’s not their mess, Jensen understands that. Still, he feels alone in this. Emotions well up and break out in a choked sob. “A.J. wasn’t supposed to be mine. I mean...he...well...he’s mine biologically but he wasn’t supposed to be _mine_.”

Jared sits and waits for Jensen to get the courage to flesh out the story.

“He’s mine now. But he wasn’t supposed to be.” Shaking his head, Jensen lets out a deep breath and looks up at the ceiling. “God, I keep repeating myself. I don’t even know where to start.” He’s sure Jared didn’t expect to walk into such a train wreck when he suspiciously ended up ‘in the area’ but Jensen doesn’t think he could stop himself now. “My brother Josh, like I said before, was sterile because of the same gene that makes me a viable carrier. It didn’t seem to matter much to him until he and his boyfriend Aaron got married. They were content for a while but then they both wanted kids. They tried adoption but most of the hits they received fell through and after a few years they were still childless and becoming defined by that.” Looking away, Jensen’s eyes landed on a picture frame sitting on the small table directly to the right of the couch. Stretching, he reaches for it, thrusting it into Jared’s hands. “That’s me with Josh and Aaron. They were...good together. And Josh is - was - my big brother. I’d do anything for him. So I offered to surrogate for them. Trust me, it shocked everyone in our world but how could I not offer? The thing that allowed me to have children prevented him from doing the same. So I offered and they accepted. We used my egg and Aaron’s sperm, thus giving them a child who was as genetically similar to them as possible.”

Jared looks like a light bulb has gone off in his brain but he bites his tongue.

“See, people thought I wouldn’t be able to give my own biological child up to my brother and treat him like my nephew. But, I didn’t want kids. My world wasn’t built for them and, as you know, I never really warmed up to the idea of having them. What I was doing was providing my brother and brother-in-law with a child. It was incubating in me but my brain was okay with the fact that it belonged to them. It _sucked_ , being pregnant, but Josh and Aaron were over the moon and that made it worth it. The plan was, when the baby was born, that he’d leave the hospital with Josh and Aaron and I’d go back home and start the long process of getting back to my life.”

“But that didn’t happen,” Jared says dumbly.

“No. Because...five weeks ago, three weeks before A.J. was born, Josh and Aaron were in a fatal car accident. The authorities tell me they both died on impact. And...I was left mourning my family members while heavily pregnant with their child.” Jensen hears Jared’s sharp intake of air and it breaks him. The wetness in his eyes gets to be too much and trails down his cheeks. “Shit,” he whispers as he wipes at his eyes and tries not to fall to pieces in front of Jared. “I’m sorry, Jared. It’s…”

“It’s okay.” Jared nods. “It’s okay if you have to get it out. I...I didn’t know...about any of it but about Josh. I know it doesn’t change anything but I’m so sorry for your loss. It’s…”

“The second hardest thing I’ve ever had to deal with,” Jensen finishes for him. “Because I had to bury my brother - _my best friend_ \- and figure out what to do without him. He wasn’t supposed to die. Ever. He was my big brother. Growing up, I thought he was a super hero. He was supposed to be around forever, you know? Like, we’d both be old me and still talking about how we could kick each other’s asses. And then, poof. He died in an instant and no one knew how to put our family back together again.”

“That must have been, and probably still is, difficult.”

“You have no idea. Because, when push came to shove, it turned out Aaron’s parents seemed to care less about Josh’s death and more about the fact that I was carrying their grandchild. They mourned for Aaron, sure, but their only interest in our family was because of the fetus in my belly.” Without realizing at first, the hand Jensen wasn’t using to support A.J. trails down and smoothes over his stomach which still bore the aftereffects of pregnancy. “It became an all out war. There were no legal documents signed when I offered to surrogate for my brother because _he was my brother_. I would never have betrayed the trust he had in me to carry their child. But after they died, all bets were off. I was left with an unborn child who, essentially, was an orphan. I couldn’t…” Jensen wipes his eyes again. “It wasn’t until that moment that I couldn’t give the baby away. I never let myself love him in a parental way because I knew I was handing him over to two people perfectly capable of that. I wasn’t ready to be a parent but I couldn’t give him away. But Aaron’s parents...they threatened to sue me. They said they’d bring me down to the ground and take A.J. anyway. The even went after my parents. And so...I went through the three most emotional and stressful weeks of my life. When I went into labor almost two weeks before my projected due date, it didn’t surprise me. And I was stupid enough to refuse to leave my house, thinking that if no one knew I was in labor, then no one would take A.J. from me. I must have been delusional because I thought I could do everything myself and avoid the hospital because I was sure Aaron’s parents would be there to snatch the newborn. But then…”

“I came.” Jared finishes. “Fuck, Jensen...that’s...intense. The fact that you had to deal with all that? I don’t even know how you’re still standing.”

“What other choice do I have?” Jensen shifts A.J. so that his little rump is supported by Jensen’s hands and his face is nestled in the crook of his neck. “I named him Aaron Josh after the two men who were supposed to be his daddies before he got stuck with me. I have no idea how to be a parent. I’m figuring it out. I hold him too much because I’m afraid of what will happen when I’m not holding him. It’s probably messing up any chances of him having a schedule but I can’t help it. I don’t sleep because I watch him sleep. I’m terrified that someone will take him.”

“Kinda wondered how you were having your first baby and managed to hold off calling 911 until you were practically crowning.” Jared offers a small smile. “Guess fear will do that to a person.”

“Yeah. Giving birth to him _hurt_ but I didn’t care. I just wanted to stay in my apartment and keep his existence secret because as long as Aaron’s parents thought he was still in me, they couldn’t take him from me. It’s stupid, I know. It got scary and in a moment of weakness my determination faltered and I called 911. But his head, as you know, was stuck and I just wanted him to be okay, despite my foolishness.”

“And he is. He looks great. Bruising on his head went down and everything. So, yeah, while it was a little stupid to try and have him on your own, it’s understandable and there’s no harm done.” Running a hand through his hair, Jared sags under the emotional burden Jensen laid on him. “So the locks are because…?” Thoughts trailing off in a question, Jared doesn’t make an assumption until Jensen gives him answers.

“Because, Aaron’s parents figured out I had the baby. Thank god the hospital wouldn’t let them through because, as my mother and father stated, they came ready to wage war. They threatened everyone. The thing is...I don’t want to keep A.J. from them. They’re his grandparents and I would never want that. But they want full custody. If they had it their way, A.J. would never see me again. A days a month, or a week long stay here and there, I could be okay with them taking A.J. as long as we had a visitation agreement. But taking him from me altogether? That’s not happening. Since before he was born, they’ve been threatening me-”

“That’s harassment, Jensen. They have no right to - ”

“No. I know. The police know. I’ve pressed charges but it isn’t stopping them. They show up here at odd times, even in the middle of the night and demand their grandson. They call me things I wouldn’t even want to repeat. They’re like...rabid. I get that their son is dead and they’re trying to hold onto the last thing left of him, but this isn’t the way to go about it. So, the locks are because I’m afraid of what they’ll do when they get in. They told me they would steal him and I’d never see Aaron’s son again. See, they don’t call A.J. my son. Not once. It’s like they’re so clouded with Aaron’s death that they can’t see the whole picture here.” Jensen stops, feeling lighter than he has in a long time. The words aren’t weighing him down as much but they seem to have made a change in Jared’s whole body language. The EMT looks like he’s ready to start a fight. Jared’s muscles are twitchy and his face is set with pursed lips and pinched eyebrows. “Jay?”

“That’s insane! They can’t get away with that. You living in such fear that you were ready to give birth to A.J. alone just so no one knew he arrived? Do you hear yourself? That’s not right. There are things - people - that can protect you. I…I’m at a loss for words.” Jared’s Adam’s apple bobs as he swallows desperately and his chest puffs up.

“What can I do? Tell me, because I’ll do it. My family knows what’s going on. They want me to move in with them for the time being. But...my whole life has changed since Josh’s death. I lost a lot of things and losing my apartment and lifestyle is the nail in the coffin for me. I’m barely holding onto my job because, while they legally have to give me paternity leave, they don’t have to keep me on the books when I come back. It’s not what I planned but, aside from Josh’s death, I wouldn’t change any of it. I don’t wish I never gave birth to A.J. It’s kind of weird because you pulled him out of me and I fell in love with him the first second I saw him. It didn’t happen before then but...now it has and he’s stuck with me. That’s crazy, right?”

“Not as crazy as you think. I’ve seen it happen a lot.” Jared’s anger softens and he smiles at Jensen. “But, you still have to protect yourself.”

“I am. Really. Like I said, I informed the authorities. You said your brother’s a cop; hell, maybe even he knows. I didn’t know he was on the force but I guess you Padaleckis have a way of showing up in my life again.” Jensen wipes the lingering moisture from his eyes with the back of his hand. “They’re looking into it. I’ve got a lawyer who says they can’t take A.J. away from his birth parent. And Aaron’s mother and father seem to be backing off a bit. I let them know I want them to be in A.J.’s life, just not like this. So maybe, just maybe, there is a way out of this whole mess. We’re all hurting over Josh and Aaron’s death; I think we need to realize that none of this is going to make that better.”

Jared stays silent for a moment as his eyes scan the man in front of him and the newborn in his arms. “You’re not as bad of a father as you think. Look at him,” Jared makes a slow movement as he reaches out and smoothes down the hair on A.J.’s head. “He loves you. He’s happy and safe because you’re running yourself into the ground making sure no one takes him from his daddy.”

“‘Cause I love him.” Jensen offers before letting silence settle between them. It’s not uncomfortable but they both seem to need the time to regroup and come back to themselves. Shrugging, he rolls his eyes. “So that’s how I ended up with another man’s baby who wasn’t supposed to be mine but is. I know it’s a lot and you weren’t expecting that but...it is what it is.”

“I guess it is.” Jared scratches at his neck. “Shit, Jensen, I...I really was in the area. I had an hour break but I gotta get back to work. You know, helping people and saving lives.” He pauses when he gets an amused snort from Jensen. “But, if you need to talk...you know I’m here. You can call me.” He pulls out a pen from his bag and scribbles a telephone number on the sandwich wrapper Jensen left on the table. “That’s my cell. You can call it whenever. I can’t promise I’ll answer if I’m on the clock but I can promise I’ll call back.” Pausing, he pulls out the pen again and scribbles another number. “You know what? That’s Jeff’s cell. If you need something I can’t help with. You call him. Promise me you will.”

Jensen had no idea why Jared cares so much but he’s in desperate need of kindness and understanding. He can’t refuse Jared. “Yeah. I promise.”

“Good.”

“And if you’re in the area again…”

“I’ll stop by. If you want. I mean, I get a break around this time and…” Jared lets his words trail off and licks his lips nervously.

“Only if you bring sandwiches.” Jensen adds with a smile.

“I can do that.” Chewing his lip, Jared looks from his bag to Jensen and hesitates. Letting out a deep breath, he shoulders the bag but then moves so quickly it has Jensen’s head spinning. In an instant, he’s got Jensen in a hug, loose enough to prevent himself from squishing A.J. but tight enough to let Jensen know he means it. “You two take care of each other.”

Frozen for a moment, Jensen’s eyes go wide. It takes awhile for the gears to shift into motion but Jensen brings his free hand up and clasps Jared on the back, returning the gesture. It’s the first hug he’s gotten that isn’t saturated in pity and his heart skips a beat. “Thanks,” he breathes out against Jared’s neck.

It’s a little awkward after that. They say goodbye again as Jensen walks him to the door, undoing the locks as quickly as he does them up again once Jared is gone.

It’s weird because Jensen hadn’t thought much about Jared Padalecki over the last years but now, he can’t seem to stop.

Instead of pushing it aside, Jensen thinks that for the first time in a long while, he deserves what Jared’s offering him. He’s not a bad guy for keeping his son away from Aaron’s parents and for forgetting Josh enough so that he can function in taking care of A.J.

He’s human and he makes a lot of mistakes but also a lot of good decisions.

Like the one in his arms.

And the one scrawled out in black ink on the crumbled deli wrapper.

It’s enough to let Jensen see some light in the darkest time of his life.


	3. Reaching Out

[ ](https://www.flickr.com/photos/85421651@N04/15526893681)

Jensen’s plan had been to barricade himself in his apartment until legal matters were smoothed over and everyone was on the same page, a page that reads, “A.J. gets to stay with his daddy.”

Unfortunately, three weeks after A.J is born, a worrisome cramp in his middle and the fact that A.J. is due to get a well-check-up and vaccine from his pediatrician are forcing him to deviate from his plan.

There is the added complication that his parents are away for a week, so he doesn’t even have them as buffers should anything happen to him while he was out. But he needs to put A.J.’s medical needs above all else, so as terrified as he is, he goes out.

In the back of his head, he thought that he was being paranoid. That he was over compensating for his fear by coming up with actual situations in which some masked man snatches A.J. away from him. He feels like there are so many forces at work trying to rip the baby away from him that he’s even questioning if he’s doing the right thing. His job is clearly brooding in legally silenced discontent over the matter, Aaron’s parents are launching a whole new arsenal of legal weaponry at Jensen, and even some of his friends don’t seem to see Jensen’s point.

What no one gets, because they can’t see deep down inside of Jensen, is that Jensen’s heart _knows_ he’s doing the right thing. Giving his son to his brother to parent is one thing but when that stopped being an option, Jensen doesn’t understand why the world doesn’t see that A.J. belongs right where he is. And where is he is usually cemented in Jensen’s arms.

Jensen thinks his son is doomed to be a Daddy’s Boy because Jensen’s been fostering that type of connection and dependence since he was born but he can’t figure out a way to stop. He’s too scared of what will happen if he lets A.J. go. A.J. seems to feed off that fear and their shared physical contact seems to calm both of them down.

Now, however, A.J. is buckled safely in his baby carrier. Jensen had braved venturing out into the world, glad that his doctor and A.J.’s both have offices in the same medical complex. Nothing happened while he was out and he’s glad the “worrisome cramp” he’s been feeling isn’t really so worrisome at all, according to the doctor. His body is figuring out how to return to normal and sometimes that comes with some discomfort. A.J. is pronounced healthy as a horse but completely in love with Jensen because the baby kept blinking big eyes up at his father and fussed when Jensen was out of sight for the smallest moment. The baby didn’t even wince when the pediatrician administered the vaccine, thus swelling Jensen’s heart with pride.

He’s hauling A.J.’s carrier up to his apartment, wondering how people do this for extended periods of time. He’s tired as hell from sleepless night of worry and having a three week old in general and those two facts combined make A.J.’s carrier feels like it is 100 pounds.

When he gets to his apartment, his blood turns to ice.

The door is cracked open, a fact that is definitely not Jensen’s fault. He’d locked the door up tight before he and A.J. left. Even backtracking after they’d taken several steps away to double check that fact.

Jensen should probably run but his gut reaction to fight back is still there. Giving birth to A.J. left him with a new, almost debilitating, type fear but Jensen had spent years honing his strength and never-back-down attitude. He kicks the door open without thinking.

While what he’s seeing is scarier than a cracked open door, it makes it clear that whoever had broken into his apartment is not there anymore.

The apartment looks ransacked. The organization that Jensen had finally settled into his and A.J.’s lives is in complete disarray and upturned.

Drawers are left hanging out of desks and filing cabinets, their contents scattered.

His briefcase, long forgotten after weeks of disuse, is in the middle of the room, practically torn apart and emptied.

The part that sends a shiver down Jensen’s back is the sight of A.J. Pack-n-Play turned on its side. There are toys spilling out and the mobile of different colored teddy bears, which Jensen’s mother had bought for A.J., is completely crushed. The unmistakable smell of “baby” hits Jensen’s nose and Jensen realizes it’s because the diaper changing materials that he keeps in the top portion of the Pack-n-Play have burst open from the fall, leaving baby wipes and baby powder to scent the air. The whole image makes Jensen’s breath catch in his throat and his brain goes wild with thoughts of what could have happened if he’d been home.

A.J. whimpers and reminds Jensen what all of this is about.

What Jensen’s looking at isn’t an ordinary case of breaking and entering. He knows this is all about A.J. and it shakes him to the core. He immediately feels lightheaded and panicked. There are things he should probably do but he’s frozen and not sure how to move.

He should probably call the cops.

He should probably call Jeff. Jared had told him to call his brother if anything should happened and Jeff would come as quickly as possible. The only problem is, Jeff’s number is – was – stashed in one of those emptied drawers. Jensen’s not sure he could even find it should he be able to find the confidence to go into his apartment.

His mind goes through the rolodex of names and numbers he has and he can barely think straight. Being faced with a visual of what people will do to get A.J. away from him make his vision spotty and his knees weak. He catches himself on the doorframe and blinks rapidly in an attempt to focus. He manages to fumble for his cell phone on autopilot and is almost surprised when he lands himself on Jared Padalecki’s phone number.

Last week, when Jared gave him his cell number, Jensen had programmed it in his phone absently. He thought maybe he’d call, _he wanted to call_ , but there is too much on his plate right now and as much as he needs a friend, he doesn’t think it’s fair to engage in a fostering a friendship when he’s emotionally drained. Besides, Jared, even after all these years, still does crazy things to his head and makes his heart flutter. That’s dangerous. Jensen has to play it safe right now, for A.J.’s sake.

But standing in front of his ransacked apartment, Jensen is thanking goad over the fact that he kept Jared’s number. He hits the call button with a shaky finger before he can second guess the action and holds the phone to his ear.

 _“Hello?”_ Jared’s voice filters through the phone.

It’s hard for Jensen to find his voice, forcing him to clear it several times before he gets out a meek, “uhh…J-Jared?”

_“Jensen? Are you okay? What happened? Are you – ”_

The concern in Jared’s voice has Jensen’s heart speeding up again because it reminds Jensen that Jared’s concern is completely justified. Only, he doesn’t know that yet. “Umm, Jared?” Jensen repeats.

_“Yeah. Jensen, yeah. It’s me. Are you okay? You sound…off.”_

“No…I…” Jensen swallows and tries to put what he’s looking at into words. “Someone broke into my apartment. They…they…” His breath catches twice before he continues. “I came home and the door was open. Everything’s a mess…and…they broke A.J.’s Pack-n-Play and there are things all over, and my whole home is on my living room floor, and it smell like my baby and – ” Jensen’s voice picks up in pace and volume right before Jared cuts him off.

 _“Whoa, whoa, whoa!”_ Jared says. _“Where are you?”_

“I’m staring at my apartment.”

_“Where is A.J.?”_

“He’s right here. In his carrier. We’re…we went to the doctor and…and…we came home…and now we’re standing outside of my apartment looking at a mess.” Jensen swallows. Jensen’s falling apart and he doesn’t even know who he is anymore. _This_ isn’t him. “They were looking for something…for A.J. and if they found him…if I was home...”

 _“Shh, Jensen. It’s okay. Can you take a deep breath for me? For A.J.?”_ Jared’s voice is calm, but beneath it there is a underlying level of unease.

Jensen listens, forcing his lungs to inhale and exhale at timed intervals. “Okay. Yeah. I can.”

 _“Okay. Good.”_ Jared pauses to listen to Jensen’s breathing. _“Jensen, I need you to listen to me. I…I’m coming to you. I need you to get out of there. Okay? Get away from your apartment. Go somewhere safe. Can you get to you super’s office? Call the cops from there? I can call my brother but you…you should call too. But you and A.J. need to get somewhere safe, first.”_

Everything Jared is saying makes perfect sense. Jensen knows that. It isn’t until he hears the words, however, that Jensen understands that he needs to get out of there. “Okay, yeah. I can do that. I…we’ll go to the office. It’s…not far from here. It’s the first floor, second bank of buildings across from mine.”

 _“Okay. Go there. I’m,”_ there is a screeching sound of rubber tires cutting a turn too sharply, _“going to be there in a few minutes. Just hang in there, Jen.”_

Jensen finds himself nodding even though the gesture can’t translate to Jared over the phone. Fear still has his heart in a vice and the adrenaline in his veins is making him shake. “Jay,” the nickname slips from Jensen’s lips like it’s always been there. “Hurry? Please?”

 _“I am. Trust me.”_ Jared lets out a muffled curse. _“Jensen, I can…stay on the phone with you if you want. But…I need to call Jeff. Can you hang on just 5 more minutes?”_

“No…I…I gotta carry A.J. so…” Jensen’s words dwindle as he shakes his head. “Just hurry.” He disconnects the call and pockets his cell phone. Grabbing A.J.’s carrier, he breaks into a quick walk, careful not to jostle the baby too much.

Adrenaline gives him the strength to carry his son, the carrier suddenly light as a feather now that he’s got an important task to accomplish. By the time he breaks into the super’s office, he’s breathing harder and looking around with wild eyes. He turns around and locks the door without thinking before facing the desk, coming eye to eye with the super’s 20 year old daughter. She looks about as panicked as Jensen. “I…I need to stay here. I…someone broke into my apartment and I…cops.” Words disjointed, he tries to get his distress across.

The girl seems to get it. Her eyes widen in realization and she jumps into action. “Oh! Yes. Of course.” She picks up the phone on the desk and is calling police as fast as she can.

Jensen glad that she’s the one making the call because after getting this far, Jensen doesn’t think he can speak anymore. Instead, he sinks down into a chair and pulls A.J. into his arms.

 _This_ is exactly why he never wants to let his son go.

[ ](https://www.flickr.com/photos/85421651@N04/15526892761)

By the time Jared comes sprinting into the super’s office, there are two patrol cars parked haphazardly in front of the building.

By all means, Jared’s heart should not be pounding away in his chest like it currently is. For nine years, Jensen is someone who has been so far removed from his life, yet, in the last three weeks, he seemingly catapulted back into Jared’s world.

Time, the nine years, means nothing. Jared’s heart is getting tangled up in the way Jensen looked at him last week. The broken quality in Jensen’s eyes made Jared unravel into the high school kids he once was, complete with the big old school boy crush he had on Jensen. It’s all back at the front of his memory and he feels a tugging sensation in his gut to make things better for Jensen, even if all he can do is bring him a deli sandwich.

Now, however, Jensen needs him to do a hell of a lot more than that. And it’s not only Jensen. A.J. is in the picture too and somehow that little boy with Jensen’s nose warms Jared’s heart to the point where he feels an obligation to him. It’s all Jared’s doing. No one is making him feel this way but himself; hell, Jensen had been wary of even letting Jared in the house. But when that phone call came in and he could hear the destroyed quality in Jensen’s voice, Jared couldn’t refuse the call.

“Jensen?” Jared almost trips over himself as he stumbles in the door. His eyes land on Jensen before the man can utter a reply and he breathes a sigh of relief at the fact that he seems unharmed and A.J. is snuggled against his chest. There are two cops sitting near Jensen, seemingly in deep conversation with him. “Are you okay?”

Jensen manages to give a stunted nod and drops a kiss to A.J.’s head.

“Jared,” a man says as he steps into Jared’s line of vision, thus blocking him from seeing Jensen.

“Jeff,” Jared says with a small smile. “Hey. Thanks for coming…I know it probably sounded like a weird request…”

“What? You calling me and telling me I need to get to your high school boyfriend’s apartment complex? Weird?” Jeff snorts and shakes his head with a soft laugh. “I’ll admit, I was a bit surprised that…well… _Jensen’s back_ ,” Jeff makes the slightest roll of his head to indicate that he mean’s Jensen is back in Jared’s life, “but that’s what brothers are for. Right?”

“Yeah. Right.” Jared pulls him into a hug and slaps his hand against his back. “So…”

“So, you were right. Jensen does have a reason to be concerned. That wasn’t a normal B and E. Nothing was taken. Someone was looking for something. Jensen suspects it has something to do with his son’s other set of grandparents. By the looks of things, I’d say he’s probably right.”

“Fuck,” Jared breathes out. Even though he knew that was probably the case, it breaks his heart to hear that A.J.’s grandparents could stoop so low. “What kind of people would do that?”

“Desperate people,” Jeff says. “Listen, the place is a mess. And…even though were talking Jensen through filing a restraining order against them, I still don’t think it’s a good idea for him to spend the night there…what, with the baby and all.”

“Yeah. I know…” The wheels in Jared’s head get to turning and he scrunches his face up in thought. “He could…stay with me for the night.”

“Jared,” Jeff says with a warning tone.

Jared puts up his hands in defense and lowers his eyes. “I know, I know.”

“I was thinking more along having him spend a night or two at a hotel,” Jeff says as he gives Jared a pointed look.

“Seriously? How can _I_ do that?” Jared matches Jeff, look for look, and holds up his palms.

There is a moment of silence before Jeff huffs out a sigh. “You’re going to do what you want anyway.” He looks over his shoulder at Jensen and the other officers. “Listen, we’re going to need him a little while longer, but…if you’re sure about this…he’s free to go in another fifteen minutes or so.” Voice lowering, Jeff takes one step closer to his brother. “Are you sure you know what you’re getting yourself into?”

Scoffing, Jared rolls his eyes. “God, Jeff. I’m just offering a _friend_ a place to stay for a few days. A _friend_ who desperately needs someone he can trust.”

“You’re a good man, Jared. Better than I’ll ever be.” Jeff pats Jared on the shoulder. “I just…I know you’re grown now. But ten years ago…Jensen was you’re world. I’m just being a big brother and looking out for you.”

“Noted.” Giving a light punch to Jeff’s shoulder, Jared smiles and brushes past him. Even though he’s determined to make his own decisions. Jared is touched by his brother’s undying history of looking out for him. But Jeff shouldn’t be worried. He’s just going to offer Jensen his spare room. That’s all. There is no possible way this could put Jared’s heart in danger. Nope. None.

“Hey, Jensen,” Jared says softly as he lowers himself on one knee to get down to Jensen’s seated level.

“H-hi.” Jensen says, his voice still shaky with the aftershocks of his ordeal.

“How are you doing?”

“I’ve been better.” Jensen tries to smile but it’s forced. So is the nervous laughter that barely escapes his throat. “I’m sorry for calling you. I just…I didn’t know who to call and I was so scared that…maybe they would be back. And I had A.J. with me and – ”

“Hey, hey, hey. It’s okay. Don’t worry about it. _I’m glad you called_. I told you to call me if you ever needed anything, right? So, don’t apologize.” Jared drops a reassuring hand onto Jensen’s knee. “I’m glad you called,” he repeats and he genuinely means it.

“But, you didn’t have to…” Jensen cuts himself off and looks Jared over, eyes fixating on his uniform. “Shit. You’re working. You’re working and I called you and – ”

“No,” Jared says, glancing at his watch. “Actually, I’m not. My shift ended 5 minutes ago. It was a slow day, anyway. I’ve got the ambulance here and I have to return that, but…I’m off the clock.”

“Oh,” Jensen says, relief tinging the exclamation. “So…”

Jared isn’t exactly sure what Jensen is thinking or what he was going to say but the silence that falls between them isn’t exactly uncomfortable. It’s like there are a lot of things that need to be said but Jensen doesn’t have the energy for that at the moment. For some reason, nerves bubble up in Jared’s belly when his voice starts working again. “So, Jeff thinks it isn’t safe to stay here for the next few days.”

“Yeah. He told me as much.” Pinching the bridge of his nose, Jensen gives a heavy sigh. “Where the hell am I going to stay right now? If it is Aaron’s parents, they know where my entire family lives. Who’s to say that they won’t do the same thing at my parent’s house or my sister’s? I can’t put them through that too. And…fuck!” The curse leaves Jensen’s mouth with a jolt of intensity and desperation, loud where the rest of Jensen’s words had been soft. “What the fuck am I doing to do?”

“I am going to tell you what you are going to do,” Jared says. The nerves flaring up again. “You are going to spend a few days at my house. I have a spare room that no one is using. And…Aaron’s parents don’t even know who I am or where I live. They won’t find either of you there. I know you’re probably going to put up a fight about this…but…Jensen, I _want_ you to stay. What those people are doing to you isn’t right. It’s…it’s downright despicable. And A.J.? He’s just a baby. I helped bring him into this world and there is no way I am going to let anything happen to him…or you,” he lets out on an exhale.

Surprisingly, Jensen doesn’t refuse. He sits in stunned silence for a moment before he sits back in the chair and nods. “You’re right,” is the only indication he gives that he accepts Jared’s offer.

“Thanks,” Jared says with a smile.

“It’s too much, Jared. You…You’ve done _way_ too much. You don’t owe me or A.J. anything. Especially after…I…you know…disappeared from your life.” Jensen looks up at Jared and his eyes look wetter than before.

“There’s that refusal I predicted,” Jared says with another smile. Licking his lips, Jared gives Jensen’s knee a squeeze. “I’m not doing it because I actually owe you two anything. I am doing it because, like I said, I want to. I like helping people, Jensen. You need some help. It seems like a pretty mutual relationship.”

For a second, Jensen’s eyes flicker at the word relationship but then he nods. Looking down at A.J., Jensen sighs. “Kid, you’re lucky such a nice guy helped deliver you. You seem to have landed yourself one hell of a fan.”

“Yeah. He did. And his dad isn’t half bad either. So…it’s a deal then? You spend a few nights at my house?”

Nodding, Jensen smiles. “I promise, we won’t stay long. Just until the cops get this under control and Jeff thinks it is safe to go back to my apartment.”

“You can stay as long as you need.” Jared is, for a brief moment, aware of how large his offer probably seems. But Jensen isn’t a stranger to him and the offer isn’t as out of place as people who don’t know their past might think.

Repositioning A.J., Jensen forges ahead with his reassurances that he won’t overstay his welcome. “Are you sure…because A.J. can be fussy. He…he’s a good baby,” Jensen automatically defends, “but he cries a lot sometimes. For no reasons. And I don’t want him to keep you up or – ”

“He’s a baby, Jensen. It’s fine. I get it. Babies cry.”

“But not like A.J.”

“I’ll live.”

“Okay, then. If you’re sure,” Jensen pauses for Jared’s nod. “I…we’re going to need a few things. All of A.J.’s bottles and formula are in the apartment. And he’s going to need some diapers and clothing. I guess I could just buy more.”

“I’ll go grab some.” Looking over his shoulder, Jared catches his brother’s attention. “Jeff, is it okay if I go up to Jensen’s apartment to grab some things for Jensen and the baby?”

Jeff gives a shrug. “Fine by me. We’ll be done here in another ten minutes, so, take your time.”

“See,” Jared says with a gesture towards his brother. “Listen, I’ll go grab some of the things you need: clothes, diapers, formula, bottles and such. If there is anything else you need, we can swing by and pick it up on the way to my house. You going to be okay here on your own for a few minutes?”

“Yes, we’re fine.” Releasing a deep breath, Jensen starts to look a little more like himself. “Thanks…Jared.” The name flutters out of his mouth with more than a simple “thank you” to back it up.

“No big deal.” With one more reassuring squeeze to Jensen’s knee, Jared gets to his feet. He knows the way to Jensen’s apartment but even if he didn’t he’d be able to locate it based on the police presence hovering near the doorway. Maybe Jared went a bit overboard in asking Jeff to send so many patrol cars, but Jared’s never seen the harm in being over prepared for any situation.

He tells the officers that he’s Jeff’s little brother and stepping in for a moment to get some things Jensen’s son needs.

They let him pass but linger near him like hesitant shadows. Their so close that they almost bump straight into Jared when he stops dead in his tracks upon entering the apartment.

Jensen wasn’t exaggerating.

The place is a complete mess. Jared can understand the type of fear that must have produced in Jensen. He’s feeling the pinpricks of it himself but there is something darker that’s making the hair on the back of his neck stand up. He’s angry, there is no doubt about it, but when he puts himself in Jensen’s shoes, he gets an idea of how lost the man must be feeling.

Jensen’s home is a jumbled mess and it breaks off a piece of Jared’s hard when he inadvertently realizes it’s just as much of a mess as Jensen probably thinks his life is.

He doesn’t know what it is about the disheveled apartment, but Jared doesn’t want to stay there longer than needed. Every inch of the place fills Jared’s imagination with flashes of greedy hands, looking to take something from Jensen for all the wrong reasons.

Making quick work of his task, he finds and emptied duffle bag in the entrance way to Jensen’s bedroom. He uses it to pack up Jensen’s clothing first. He has no idea what the man is going to want or need but he figures Jensen can make do with a lot of Jared’s clothing if he needed too. Right now, he doesn’t think too much on it because rifling through Jensen’s clothing, most of which have been tossed on the floor, feels a little bit like breaking and entering himself. He grabs the basics: underwear, shirts, pants, socks, a pair of sneaker, and shoves them into them into the bag. He has to high-step his way to the bathroom in search of a toothbrush and razor but his quest is successful and he throws them into the bag as well.

Packing for A.J. is actually simpler. It feels less invasive and it’s not hard to pick out a week’s worth of the onesies that have been strew about the room. He adds them to the duffle and zips it up. He grabs what looks to be a diaper bag from the living room, all of which’s contents have been emptied. He uses the bag to recover as much of its belongings as possible, returning a travel pack of baby wipes and ointment to the inner pocket. He saw bottles and formula in the kitchen and throws as many of each in as he can. Snagging a few rattling toys, he slings the bag over his shoulder and figures they are going to have to get anything else A.J. may need at the store because the place is a wreck. Almost purposely destroyed on the premise of being vengeful. He’s able to secure an unopened bag of diapers that he’s sure will hold A.J. over for the week, but not much else.

By the time he returns, Jensen is free to leave. An officer tells Jared that they really prefer to take Jensen in to the station but as the man’s clearly distressed and the baby is starting to feed off that fact, he says they can handle loose ends via a phone conversation. Jared suspects that Jeff might have something to do with that and he’s grateful.

Jensen has A.J. buckled into his car seat but the kid is screaming his head off. Looking helpless, Jensen shakes his head. “He’s hungry and tired. He missed a nap and a bottle and I….I just want to get the hell out of here.”

“Okay, yeah. We’ll go.” Jared has to stop himself from putting his arm around Jensen. It’s an instinct, one meant to protect and comfort, but Jensen looks flighty and on edge. He’s also a proud man; Jared remembers that. Jensen has never been one to show weakness. The fact that he’s breaking down now, in front of so many, makes a worry clamp up in Jared’s stomach. “We’ll go. I don’t live far. Maybe fifteen minutes. Can you drive?”

“I don’t think so,” Jensen whispers in defeat.

“I’ll drive. If that’s okay?”

“Yeah, but…what about the ambulance?”

“Shit! The ambulance…Sarah…I left her sitting in it. You remember Sarah, right? She was with me – ”

“When A.J. was born,” Jensen finishes, cheeks flushing for a second. “Yeah. I remember her.”

“Sarah can take the ambulance back. I’ll have to get my car eventually but right now, let’s get you two somewhere safe where you can feed that little boy. Okay?”

Jensen nods, a gesture that looks like it comes with finally surrendering to the emotional exhaustion that has been taking its toll on the man.

[ ](https://www.flickr.com/photos/85421651@N04/15526892761)

Jensen has no idea what to expect. He feels like that is a normal thing for his life as of yet.

Jared’s house is quant. It’s more than enough for a single bachelor and definitely roomy enough for Jensen and A.J. to stay the night without making everyone feel cramped.

He’s thankful that Jared has been…way too good at all this. The man isn’t pushing Jensen into talking about the situation which is exactly what Jensen needs. He simply showed him the house, brought him and all his stuff to the spare room on the second floor and reassured Jensen that he’d be right downstairs if he needed anything.

With Jared gone, Jensen closes the door to the guest room and leans his back against it. He wants to sink down to the floor and close his eyes, opening that when he wakes up, none of this nightmare is actually real. But A.J. is screaming again and he needs to do something about that. Hearing the sound makes part of his body hurt and his heart strains against his chest in an attempt to be closer to the baby.

“Come ‘ere,” Jensen says as he finds the power to pull himself away from the door and makes his way to the carrier set beside the bed. He’d made sure to heat a bottle while Jared was giving him the house’s layout and it’s still warm in his hand. “I know you’re hungry. I’m sorry I’ve been such a shitty dad today.” Putting the bottle on the bed, Jensen uses both hands to unfasten the straps around his son and lifts him up so they can look face to face. A.J.’s eyes are squeezed closed and he’s crying like he’s been left for dead. “Shh, kiddo. Come on. I’ve got you’re grub. I know I’m a little late in delivering it but…things were out of my control.”

He settles himself on the bed and cradles A.J. in his arms. When he tries to bring the bottle’s nipple to the baby’s lips, A.J. is too distraught it realize it’s there. He wails and his lips quiver in time with the way Jensen’s heart is breaking.

“Come on, A.J. I know you’re hungry. I _know_. You just gotta calm down and then you can eat and sleep and forget about today.” Jensen sighs and bounces the baby but he keeps crying. “ _Please_?” he begs like he’s done so many times before when A.J. gets in moods like this. And just like every other time, the doubt creeps in. The doubt over whether or not he can do this and is he _should_ do this.

And just like A.J. does every single time, the baby’s wailing mouth closes around the nipple and it takes a few false starts but he’s suckling in no time. The crying stops, A.J. calms down, and the bottle is drained. All it took was Jensen going to the brink of his composure and now that A.J.’s eating and they are away from the legal mess at his apartment, Jensen lets out a strangled cry.

There is a war inside him between falling apart and holding it together. He doesn’t know which side is winning but he’s feeling the effects of the battle. His eyes are wet and his vision is blurry when he looks down at his son. He’s eating like a champ. Jensen thinks, maybe, the baby has no realization over the fact that it’s Jensen’s duty to feed him and thus Jensen’s fault that mealtime is so late.

A.J. doesn’t hate Jensen as much as Jensen hates himself lately.

Thinking about it, it’s not really self-hate. It’s Jensen’s wavering belief that he can be a good dad to A.J.

The baby spits up around the nipple and Jensen is quick to shift him and wipe away the mess with his own shirt. It’s selfless and practiced, happening before Jensen even realizes what he’s doing. He’s got A.J. leaning over his arm and is thumping his back before he realizes that what he’s doing is old hat now. It wasn’t barely a week ago.

There is a glimmer of hope in that. Maybe the nurses at the pediatrician’s office were right. A.J. loves Jensen but not as much as Jensen loves his little boy.

He’s doing the right thing.

He’s sure.

And when he cradles A.J. in his arms again so the baby can finish his bottle and a tiny fist curls around Jensen’s pinky, Jensen’s doubly sure.

[ ](https://www.flickr.com/photos/85421651@N04/15526892761)

Things have been quiet in Jared’s house for a long while. It’s getting closer to dinner and he wonders what Jensen still likes to eat.

Curiosity gets the better of him and he tip-toes upstairs, listening for any sign of activity. When he gets to the guestroom’s door, he leans in to press his ear against it.

It’s completely silent.

“Jensen?” he asks while rapping on the door with the back of his hand.

Still nothing.

He blames worry for the fact that he’s pushing the door open inch by inch. It’s a silent action, the hinges well-greased.

Inside, he finds that there is nothing to be concerned about. Jensen is curled on his left side, left arm up to support his head. His lips are parted in sleep and his features are relaxed. Even in sleep, Jared notes that there is something about the man that serves as evidence over the effects his life’s stresses have had on him.

A.J is sleeping on his back, both arms above his head and lips pursed in a kiss-like expression. They make random suckling motions every now and then, prompting him to snuffle in his sleep. Jensen bracketed his tiny body between his father and a pillow, ensuring there was no way he’d roll off the bed even if he was physically able. Jensen’s right hand is resting lightly on A.J.’s round belly, fingers twitching in sleep.

A fluttering, butterfly sensation tickles Jared’s insides and he melts at the sweet sight, both Jensen and A.J. looking completely exhausted.

Not wanting to disturb them further, Jared backs out of the room and closes the door. He’ll let them sleep as long as they need to.

As he walks down the stairs, he thinks having Jensen under his roof is not as awkward as he anticipated. It’s actually giving him a sort of settling feeling. Since he knows where both A.J. and Jensen are, he knows that Aaron’s parents aren’t harassing him. It’s one less thing he has to worry about.

Opening his refrigerator, he finds slim pickings for making a cohesive meal. Unless Jensen wants Kraft Macaroni and Cheese, a hot dog, and some wilted lettuce, he’s going to have to order out.

He manages to order food, get it delivered and set the table before Jensen even stirs. He’s not going for anything romantic, but he gets the feeling that he and Jensen could both use a glass of wine to help wind down from the night. So even though there is a bottle of wine on the table, it’s surrounded by paper plates and plastic cutlery. He’s about to pop the cork when he jolts upright in surprise at the sound of Jensen’s voice.

“Hey,” Jensen says, voice sounding like it’s not ready to let go of the last remnants of sleep. His hair is sticking up on one side and he rubs at one eye with his knuckles.

“Oh, hey!” Jared turns and shoots the man a smile. “You scared the shit out of me.”

“Sorry. Didn’t mean to.” Stretching, Jensen raises his arms above his head. “What time is it?”

“A little after 7,” Jared says as the cork finally pulls free of the wine.

“Shit, that late? I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to just pass out. I only wanted to lay down for a bit with A.J. until he fell asleep. I was rubbing his tummy…he…he likes that after he eats.” Jensen licks his lips and cocks his head at the set table.

“It’s okay. You two needed your sleep. I figured I could order us dinner in the mean time. I hope you’re hungry. I probably ordered too much.”

“I’m starved.” Jensen’s stomach grumbles in time with his words. “Seems like that is getting to be a habit when we’re together.” He smiles and gestures towards the aluminum take-out containers. “What did you order?”

“Sausage and peppers with a side of spaghetti in marinara sauce.”

Jensen eyes go wide at the response and a smile tugs at his lips. “You remembered.”

“You’re favorite food? Yeah. How could I forget? Though I was wondering if it was still your favorite.” Jared’s heart thumps faster as Jensen’s smile reaches his eyes. “Wine?” he asks as he holds out a freshly poured glass towards Jensen.

“God, yes. Thank you.” Jensen takes the glass, bringing it to his lips to take the briefest sip. He lets out a soft, content sigh, his eyes slipping closed before he opens them up to face Jared again. “Thank you for everything.”

Jared laughs and takes a sip of his own wine. “How about…how about I give you a blanket statement?”

“Huh?”

“You’re welcome. For everything I’ve done and everything I might do in the future.” Jared gives Jensen a smile. It saddens him to see this wounded-stag-like quality in Jensen. He’s not quite sure what to do with it but he’s working on that. “Come on, eat.”

“I…uh…” Jensen hesitates, eyes flitting towards the staircase and back. “I left A.J. sleeping upstairs, I should probably get him…in case he wakes up.”

“I don’t have a crib or anything, but we can barricade him on the couch. And then, first thing tomorrow, I’ll go with you to get another on. If you want…I don’t want to impose.”

Jensen thinks the offer over before he hums in approval. “That’ll be great. I’ll just go get him. One second.”

Jensen’s gone and back in the time it takes Jared to plate them each a serving from both containers. He’s about to sit down when Jensen returns, leaving them to take a seat at the same time.

There is little fanfare to dinner. Jensen makes the deep, happy hum several times during the meal and Jared finds it having an effect on his heart.

“Man, I haven’t had a dinner like this – with someone other than A.J. – in weeks. It’s like I feel human again,” Jensen jokes between taking a forkful of food.

They fall into light conversation but what breaks it up is the fact that Jensen keeps sneaking away to check on A.J. To Jared, there is something frantic about the action and he gives a sad sigh.

After the fourth time Jensen trotted into the living room, Jared put his utensils down and looks up at the man. “Jensen.”

“Hmm?”

“A.J. is fine.”

“No…I know. I just…I just want to check. You know? It’s a habit. He’s never very far from me and – ”

“And you need to give yourself a break,” Jared finishes. “I understand that you are worried and you have every right to be, but you’re going to burn out.” He already sees the tell-tale sign of it. “A.J. is fine. He’s safe.”

“I know.”

“Do you?” Jared gestures towards the room. “You’ve checked on him four time in less than an hour. It’s more than first parent nervousness. I…If you need to talk about it…I’m here to listen. There is more going on Jensen and I think you need to talk to someone about it. To let it out. Because, A.J. is fine here but you’re not. So…”

Jensen goes quiet, licking his lips and looking up at the ceiling before he makes eyes contact with Jared again. “See…I know that. I really do. But…you saw what happened today. I try to tell myself that it is all in my head. That the paranoia I feel isn’t rational or called for. But then things like today happen and I realize that I _can_ lose him. And…I don’t know what I would do if that happened. I lost my brother and if I lost my son too…it’s too much.”

Jared pushes up from the table because this conversation is too heavy to have with Italian food cluttering the space between them. He moves to the chair closest to Jensen, turning it so they face each other. “You’re not going to lose him. No judge in their right mind will take him from you, especially not after _that_ little stunt today. He’s your son. It’s obvious in the way you two interact. No one is taking him from you, especially not when you are under my roof. I promise.”

Jensen laughs. He honest to god looks up at the ceiling and laughs. It’s not what Jared expected but he does. When he’s done, he looks Jared in the eye. “Is it crazy that I believe you? There isn’t even any hesitance behind it. _I just believe you_. Like…like I always did. You’re loyal to a fault, Jared Padalecki. And I believe you. God help me, you’re too good to deserve having me and any of my mess in your life but I’m there now and I believe you.”

Jared’s own voice surprises him. “I don’t hate you.”

“What? That’s what you got out of the whole – ”

Jared cuts Jensen of by letting out a strangled sound. “I’ve always loved you. Even when I hated you, I loved you. You’re a part of who I am. In some ways, I think you’re why I’m who I am. If you’re mucking up my life with your life, then it’s okay. I was…I was a mess when you met me. I didn’t know up from down and then you – _you_ – come into my life and sorted it all out. So if you’re worried about piling stuff on me. Don’t. We’re good. Pile away. I can handle it now. I couldn’t _then_ and you helped me. It’s my turn. Okay?”

Jensen looks like he was punched in the stomach. He sits at the table with wide eyes, staring at Jared like he is staring through him. “I think…I think we need to talk about this…”

“We don’t. It’s okay. I just…wanted you to know. You don’t have to do anything with that information.” Jared feels like he’s been electrocuted. Nervous energy is coursing through him and he’s not sure what version of Pandora’s Box he just opened up.

“No. We need to talk about things.” Jensen finally puts his utensils down after having gone white knuckled around them. “And I wish I was the person you used to know because maybe I would be able to figure out how to talk about it. Instead, I am a hormonal, stressed out wreck whose life is held together with Scotch tape. And you? You don’t want to be part of that. It’s messy and complicated.”

“Maybe I like messy and complicated.”

Jensen laughs again. “How could you? _Why would you_? There is nothing glamorous about messy and complicated. I said it before…you deserve better than that.” Jensen stares at the ceiling, digging his fingernails into the meat of his hand. “This was a mistake.”

“What?”

“Coming here. I didn’t want to saddle you with this. And now I have.” When Jensen breaths out, it sounds like the beginnings of a sob. “This was a mistake,” he repeats.

“Why?” The word leaves Jared’s mouth with so much desperation and a genuine need to know that the room is stunned by it. It hangs heavy in the air between them before seeping into Jensen’s heart and eliciting a full blown sob from the man. It looks like Jared’s just sent Jensen hurling over the edge of some precipice and he’s not sure if he’s glad for it or guilty.

“Because I fucking love you!” Jensen screams, louder than necessary but not nearly loud enough. It’s weighted down with regret and pain that’s had a long time to fester. “Because I fucking love _you_ and you had to come back into my life and be so fucking perfect. And I’m a fucking mess.”

Jared feels like he’s going to fall over. His heart flip-flops in his chest and he has to stutter before getting actual words out. “You love me?”

“Yes!” Jensen yells with a big enough hand gesture to intensify how much he means it. “I always fucking loved you. I told you a week ago that I ran away from you because I was afraid of facing things. Do you know what those things were? It was more than babies and being a carrier. It was the fact that I was more in love with you than any eighteen year old is capable of comprehending and I wasn’t ready for any of that. So, I ran and thought it would go away. But it _never_ went away; it just sat there like a lead weight in my heart.” Jensen wipes the back of his eyes, trying to keep them dry as they fill with tears. “Shit, Jared…you wanted babies…and I couldn’t be that person. Not then. But sometimes…when I thought about it,” he pauses to suck his tongue against the roof of his mouth. “If I was going to have babies…I’d want them with you.”

Jensen’s reveal shoots through Jared’s heart in ways it has no right to. Nine years ago, it would have snuffed out any teenage angst and heartbroken longings. It would have meant that Jensen didn’t have to run from things he was afraid about in their relationship. But what would that mean for them now? It’s romantic to think that they’d still be together but Jared knows the odds would have been stacked against them. Now, though, it’s different. Things are different and they’ve had time to grow and make mistakes without breaking each other’s hearts each and every time. Jared thinks, maybe now that they’ve been apart, things between he and Jensen can actually work. The thought alone is crazy and Jared physically reels back from it. “Jensen…”

“Jared,” Jensen says as he uses his forefingers to wipe a trail of tears along the lines on either side of his nose. “My life…is a mess. It wasn’t three months ago. If you met me then, I’d be out to here,” he made a gesture to show how round his middle was at seven months pregnant, “but I wouldn’t be like this.”

“I get it, Jensen. I do,” Jared licks his lips and swallows thickly. He wants to kick himself because he knows he shouldn’t have open more emotional wounds when Jensen’s already dealing with so much but the temptation had been too great.

“I don’t think you do. See, meeting you again…it’s kind of like….we’re picking up where we left off but it’s all disjointed and foreign. We’ve both changed but…when we saw each other again, it’s like our timeline together just popped back into existence.”

Jared understands that. He feels the same way. He knew it all along because of the way his heart flutters every time he makes Jensen smile and the sudden reappearance of nervous butterflies when Jensen’s around. “Yeah. I get that.”

Jensen looks relieved at the fact that he’s not the only one on that train of thought. He smiles for a moment before chewing his lip nervously. “But…I’m not good for anything right now other than being A.J.’s dad and even that’s a bit iffy,” he adds with a shrug.

“You’re great with him,” Jared corrects without a moment’s hesitation.

“I’m _good_ with him, but I’m getting better. We’re figuring it out together. But the point is…I can’t handle anything more than that. So I have no idea what you’re expecting, but I’m just… _spent._ ” He says the last word with an exhausted exhale. “I don’t have anything to give, Jared. I…I’ve got the lawsuit and the ‘probably have to find a new job’ situation going on. Other than that…I have nothing.”

“I don’t want anything from you, Jen.” Only after Jared says it, does he realize it’s a complete lie. The part of his romantic teenager heart thumps into the foreground and Jared wants anything he can scrounge out of the situation.

“Yeah, you do.” Jensen replies. “And I…I love you but I can’t do that – _this_ – now. I can’t…Maybe later but I can’t think that far.”

“It’s okay.”

“I can…do ‘friends’…maybe?” Jensen says, like he’s not sure who he’s asking the question to. “I need a friend about now and…I think I can do that. Though the friendship might be a bit lopsided. I’m not sure I can hold up too many responsibilities right now.”

“Friends is,” _better than nothing_ , Jared thinks. What he says is, “good. I’d like that. And…don’t worry about the lopsided thing. It’ll even out eventually, just like your life will.” Making sure he has solid eye contact with Jensen, he nods. “Your like _will_ get sorted out. It’s just going to take some time. And until then, you stay here and we figure out where we’ve been since we weren’t in the right here and now.”

“That sounds really good right now,” Jensen says with a relieved laugh. “And so does more spaghetti. Seconds?”

And just like that, Jared had one of the most emotional conversations of his life without it coming to bite him in the ass. His brain is still sending out tingling sensations over what Jensen had laid out before them but he is able to smile and know that maybe fate had other plans for him and Jensen when they crossed paths all those years ago.

Dinner was finished; the table was cleared; A.J. woke up in time to drink another bottle and hang out with the two men while they watch some mindless television.

The no-crib issue rose its head again when it was time for everyone to turn in for the night. Jensen decided he’d have to share the bed with A.J. for the night, using a pillow as a buffer on the edge of the bed. Jensen reassures him that it’s not the first time he’s broken the rules and let A.J. sleep in his bed.

What Jared didn’t expect when they were about to disappear into their own rooms was for Jensen to step in front of Jared before he could make it to the door.

“So, I was thinking,” he muses as his eyes crinkle just enough for him to look like the Jensen that Jared knew once upon a time. He held a sleepy A.J. against his chest so that he was practically tucked under Jensen’s chin. “I’ve spent the past three weeks watching my back. I was wondering if,” he hesitates, getting caught up in his words, “maybe tonight, you’d want to watch it for me.”

Jared gulps with a sound loud enough to hit Jensen’s ears and the man laughs. The nervous butterflies are back and his brain gets stuck on wanting to say yes but wondering if it is a good idea.

“You don’t have to,” Jensen says, giving him an out. “It was just an idea.”

“No…I…That’s what friends are for, right? They have each other’s backs?” But not like this and not so literally, Jared things. Still, he’s heading towards the guest room, disappearing inside before Jensen does.

By the time they settle in bed, Jensen is essentially sandwiched between A.J. and Jared. He has his son laying on his back and Jensen shift his own body in a protective curl around him. It leaves Jared to mimic the action, turning on his side and settling his chest flush against Jensen’s back. It’s closer contact than any friendship calls for but Jared can’t help himself. He hooks and arm around Jensen’s waist and anchors them firmly together. “This okay?”

“Mmm hmm.” Jensen mumbles as he gets lost in the pillow.

Jared can feel when Jensen’s body falls into sleep. It’s faster than he predicted but he supposes it has something to do with the fact that they are someone Aaron’s parents can’t find them and that Jared has a comforting hold on Jensen.

It’s not an act of friendship or a relationship but it’s somewhere in between and Jared has no idea what that means.

[ ](https://www.flickr.com/photos/85421651@N04/15526892761)

When Jensen wakes in the middle of the night, the first thing he realizes is that A.J. is gone. His heart balloons with panic and he feels sick to his stomach until he composes himself enough to realize that Jared’s gone too.

“Get a grip.”

Running a hand though his hair, he tries to assess the situation. He knows that the reason he woke was because of a nightmare in which A.J. died in the same car accident that killed Josh and Aaron. Even though the nightmare depicted something impossible since A.J. hadn’t even been born at the time, Jensen’s still left feeling broken.

Upon catapulting into consciousness, Jensen knew one look at his sleeping son would reassure him but the baby was missing from his bed. The fact that Jared was too helped make that fact better.

Jensen still had no idea what possessed him and gave him the nerve to ask Jared to sleep beside him. It had just been _sleep_ but it was closer than he’s been to another man for over a year. Adding the fact that man was Jared made it even more intense. It felt nice to fall asleep with someone who’d just made a promise to Jensen about ensuring his and A.J.’s safety.

He knows there will probably be consequences from that action but he’ll deal with them later…after he finds his son.

Getting out of bed, he makes his way down the stairs towards the flickering projections of the television and the hushed sounds coming from it. He finds Jared sprawled out on a reclining chair, head turned to the side and hair falling in his face. The chair is reclining to its fullest extent, leaving Jared’s very long form in a laying down position. He’s clearly asleep, but that’s not the part of that’s caught Jensen’s interest.

“Oh,” he lets out in a whisper as his heart clenches over the sight of A.J. belly down on Jared’s stomach. The baby’s face is turned and his round cheek is smushed against Jared’s chest, a trace of baby drool evident in the room’s dim lighting. One of Jared’s hands is covering A.J.’s diapered butt, the large palm big enough to nestle it completely in the curve. They are both passed out cold.

It’s sweet, really. Jensen’s never seen anyone else share a moment like this with A.J. What makes the moment even more endearing is the fact that Jared’s so far out of his element with A.J. but still found a way to end up in this shared moment between them. Jensen sees the now torn open pack of diapers to the left of the recliner and a bottle on the table to Jared’s right. He can guess what happened here and almost wishes he was awake to see it. Taking a step closer, he notices Jared has a Sam Adam’s bar towel over his left shoulder and realizes the man must have used it as a burp cloth. It’s funny because it reminds Jensen of just how much of a bachelor Jared is at the moment.

Beer and baby spit up: the idea makes Jensen laugh under his breath. It also does something funny to his head because seeing Jared with his son makes him feel waves of adoration.

Moving closer, Jensen reaches out to gently detach his sleeping son from Jared’s hold. As soon as Jared’s hand slips off of A.J., the man stumbles into consciousness. Jared’s hands grab for the weight that once rested against his chest and his eyes blink open in worry.

“Hey, Jared, it’s me. I didn’t mean to wake you. I was going to take him so you could get some more sleep.” Jensen’s words are hushed as he slowly bounces A.J. for a second to make sure he stays asleep.

“Jensen?” Jared squints up at the other man and sits upright. “I hope I didn’t worry you when you realized he was missing. He just started whining and I didn’t want him to wake you. I figured that I would change his diaper and give him a bottle while we watched TV. I didn’t mean to fall asleep. I wanted to bring him back before you even knew he was gone.”

“It’s okay. I…I got scared at first but as soon as I realized he was probably with you, I calmed down. Thanks for taking care of him.”

“Anytime. He wasn’t too much trouble.” He scratches at the back of his head and gives a doppy grin. Narrowing his eyes at the cable box, Jared reads it before clicking it off. “Shit, 3am. I should probably head back to bed. I’ve got the morning shift tomorrow and a coworker’s picking me up on the account that my car is still there. Night, Jen.”

As Jared starts to leave, Jensen stops him with one sentence. “My offer still stands…about watching my back. You can come back to bed with us.”

“You sure? I mean – ” Jared’s words are cut off when Jensen grabs the collar of his worn t-shirt and tugs him closer.

Jensen hadn’t expected to do it but the gesture was automatic, like the hundreds of times he’d done that in the past to stop Jared from protesting. And like all those times before, he presses their lips together in a kiss. But unlike those other times, this kiss is more chaste and fleeting. It’s softer and when he pulls away, Jared’s pupils are blown wide and he’s fully awake. Jensen’s shocked by it too, not sure he had any entitlement to do that. They stare at each other for a moment but the electricity generated between them with that one kiss has Jensen’s heart speaking volumes. Bringing a first to his mouth, he clears his throat. “To be clear,” Jensen says with an eyebrow raise, “that was a friendly kiss.”

“ _Sure_ it was,” Jared says, licking his bottom lip and chasing the taste of Jensen.

“It’s just one night, Jay. Then tomorrow…tomorrow we get to know each other again. Okay?” He needs this. Jensen’s been selfless for six weeks and now he needs a moment to make him realize he’s still cared for. It goes against every rule he’d insisted on earlier about how his and Jared’s relationship is supposed to play out.

“Okay. Tomorrow,” Jared states. “We’ll deal with it tomorrow.”

And Jensen will. He promises. He’s not relationship material right now, no matter how good it feels to fall back into synch with Jared.

They’ll get A.J. a crib tomorrow and deal with whatever bridges they are crossing.

Tonight, Jensen’s going to curl himself around Jared and let the human contact wash over him.

Because they’re friends.

Thing is, Jensen’s not stupid enough to believe that.


	4. Connection

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: This is the chapter with Bottom!Jared (in which he rides Jensen)  
> Also - There is an awesome NSFW sketch Emma did that goes with the porny parts.

[ ](https://www.flickr.com/photos/85421651@N04/15526893681)

Jensen holds the cell phone to his ear and can’t believe what he’s hearing. He almost drops it when Jeff tells him that they caught the people who broke into his apartment. He has no idea how the police did it, but they found them. According to Jeff, it was two men who’ve had priors for similar crimes and they squealed like piglets when Jeff used all the intimidation he could muster to make them understand their options were limited. They could help shed some light on the case, or they could rot for a few more years in prison. Either way, they were going to pay a price. Having been on parole, they broke a cardinal rule and there would be repercussions but Jeff said it was up to the men to decide how intense they wanted those repercussions to be.

Jeff owes Jensen _nothing_ , yet he’s still on the other side of the line, rattling off everything he’s done to put Jensen’s mind at ease.

To Jensen, it seems like Jared’s brother worked his ass off. It’s only been eight days and he’s already delivered the guilty party with sworn testimonies and everything. The icing on the cake is that Kim and Joe Sutherland, Aaron’s parents, were the ones who hired the men.

As a result, Jeff brought the Sutherlands into custody. They feigned innocence and claimed they had no idea what Jeff was speaking of. Their story shattered when officers got eyewitness reports placing the same car seen circling Jensen’s apartment complex on the day of the break in, parking in front of the Sutherlands’ house the week before. When Jeff revealed that they found a suspicious sum of money transferred into each of the men’s bank accounts from one bearing Joe Sutherland’s name, Kim fell to pieces and spilled everything.

It was a win for Jensen and annihilation for Kim and Joe.

“ _Jensen, I…_ ” Jeff hesitates on the line and lets out a deep breath. “ _Don’t get mad at my brother or…or me…but I know what you’ve been going through. Jared told me everything. To be fair, I forced him to. I told him it would help us with your case. And I did some digging here at the station. I found the judge who is assigned to your case. He’s a good guy, Jensen. Trust me. I presented him with all the new information about the Sutherlands. It’s off the record of course and I can’t speak in any certainties, but I think he’s going to throw the case out. No judge in their right mind would take a child away from the loving home of his biological parent to place him in the home of people who are willing to break the law without a second thought._ ”

Jensen thinks that maybe he _should_ be angry but the feeling doesn’t take hold. Instead, relief washes over him and he sinks down into a chair like gravity suddenly doubled and he’s helpless to keep standing any longer.

He’s not mad at Jared for telling Jeff things that they shared in confidence. He gets it. He knows Jared was trying to help him out.

He goes silent, phone still cradled against his cheek and he knows Jeff can probably hear the way his breathing has changed. He should say a lot of things but he can’t. His brain doesn’t want to latch onto false hope over what Jeff just speculated about the judge.

“ _Jensen? You still there?_ ”

“Yeah. I’m here. I…” Jensen leans his head forward and lets it rest in the palm of his right hand. “Thank you. Thanks for doing that.”

“ _It’s my job._ ” Jeff pauses for a beat. “ _But you’re welcome. Those people…they deserved this._ ” Jeff makes a sound that Jensen can’t decipher before taking a deep breath. “ _You’re a good person. But, see, there is something in the back of my head that confuses me; it’s the fact that you disappeared. I…I gotta look out for my baby brother so you gotta understand...I used to like you, Jensen. Now? I have no idea where that stands._ ”

“I’m not who I was eight years ago,” Jensen says, like the sentence holds all the answers Jeff is looking for.

“ _I hope not. Because…you…you’re a good person_ ,” Jeff repeats. “ _And I can like you again, just like I always did. But you gotta think long and hard before you disappear again._ ” It’s not entirely a threat but he says it strongly enough for Jensen to get the point.

“Not going anywhere. I’ve got a home and…and a kid here.” Jensen tries to keep his voice from getting defensive because he knows he deserves Jeff’s suspicion. He brought it upon himself. Desperately trying to change the subject, Jensen switches tactics. “I got a kid who’s grateful you were able to help us out because…I don’t want to raise my son in fear that people are going to bust in on us at any moment. So…thanks again.”

“ _You’re welcome._ ” Voices in the background grow louder and Jeff’s voice gets hurried. “ _Listen, I’ve got to go. You can head back to your apartment, if you want. I don’t think anyone is going to be bothering you any time soon. I’ll let you know if we have any more information._ ”

Without further delay, the call disconnects and Jensen is left holding a dead phone to his ear.

He sits there for a long while.

The only noise that breaks the silence is A.J. making babbling noises from the portable crib he set up in the corner of the room. There is a brand new mobile spinning slowly, soft music fluttering towards the baby’s ears.

A.J.’s been calmer lately and Jensen supposes he has as well.

The baby isn’t as prone to dramatic outburst, though he still has his moments. Jensen warned Jared that A.J. can be loud. The fact that they’ve both been forced into consciousness at two in the morning while switching off who paced the room with the baby can attest to that.

Instead of falling into moments of doubt, Jensen can laugh about the fact that it’s his first time doing this parenting stuff and he is a complete novice. He’s making a ton of mistakes but figuring it out as he goes along. Jared is too, although he seems to have a natural predisposition in terms of being good with kids and it gives him an ease when dealing with A.J.

They’re learning together and it boggles Jensen’s mind that there is even a “ _they’re_ ” to begin with.

But there really is a “they’re.” It’s why Jared’s in the shower right now. The man had come home from work and took it upon himself to change A.J.’s diaper while Jensen fixed himself something to eat even though Jensen insisted he would do it in a minute or two. Jared had gotten distracted in talking to Jensen after he removed A.J.’s dirty diaper, leaving the baby nude from the belly down for an extended period of time. In the kitchen, all Jensen heard from the living room was a shout and he came running in to find that A.J. had peed all over Jared.

Jared learned the hard way that baby boys can have surprisingly good aim when peeing on unsuspecting adults.

Jensen laughed. It was a full blown belly laugh that had him realizing how long it had been since he let himself do that. He couldn’t help but fall into uncontrollable laughter when he saw a content looking A.J. squirming on the changing pad and Jared trying to look unhappy. It was a losing battle because soon Jared’s lips broke into a smile and he shook his head at A.J.

“Not cool, little dude,” he baby talked at A.J. before turning to Jensen with a laugh.

So, yes, Jensen definitely thinks a “they’re” is starting to apply to the A.J. learning curve.

He considers this while he walks into the kitchen to make A.J. his 8:00 bottle. It doesn’t take much thought to figure out why he’s feeling more alive than he has since Josh’s death. The answer is all around him.

He’s basically taken himself out of his stressful life and transplanted himself into Jared’s less stressful one. His life with Jared when they were teenagers, even though it feels worlds away, were some of his happiest moments. It makes complete sense that Jared is absolutely the reason why Jensen’s letting himself unwind and forcing himself to live without constant fear.

He never would have guessed that a blast from his past was what he needed to get a handle on his future.

The thought makes Jensen feel lighter and his heart thumps a little faster. He finds himself smiling as he walks back to his son and scoops him up.

“You hungry, little guy?” Jensen brings the nipple near A.J.’s lip and makes a shocked gasp when A.J. takes it without making the whole task into a production. “Guess you _are_ hungry.” Jensen lets out a low whistle in awe and keeps his son safely cradled in his arms as he makes his way to the plush recliner he’s found both Jared and A.J. in on more than one occasion. The baby keeps suckling away and watching his facial features move with the action leaves Jensen feeling overly emotional.

Other than darker skin he no doubt got from Aaron, the baby doesn’t look much like his other father but he sure does look a lot like an Ackles. It’s something that should make Jensen proud but he can’t help but wonder if A.J. looks more like Josh or himself. He’s got the nose that both Jensen and Josh share but the rest of his son is a mystery right now. He’s a newborn but there are things Jensen _knows_ because he’s spent his whole life surrounded with Josh’s baby pictures. His mother has a habit of over-adorning the walls with pictures and there’s no doubt that A.J.’s likeness has probably joined Donna’s attempt to immortalize childhood innocence.

A.J. looks like Josh’s baby pictures. His face is rounder than Jensen’s and his eyes are bright blue. The nurses told Jensen that they’ll probably fade since most babies are born with blue eyes, but Jensen knows they won’t. That fact makes Jensen’s heart clench because his son is so beautiful and Josh would have loved him. He hopes, in some way, maybe Josh does love the baby. That, wherever Josh is, he’s on Jensen’s side and okay with the fact that Jensen is a proud father to his brother’s husband’s baby.

The logistics of it all make his head spin.

It’s a lot to comprehend sometimes, especially when Jensen gets stuck on the fact that Aaron was a great guy. He loved him like a brother. It’s hard for him to rationalize that Aaron’s parents seemed to have none of Aaron’s compassion or level-headedness. He wishes it didn’t have to come down to a war between him and the Sutherlands and hopes Aaron’s not pissed at him. He doesn’t want to cut A.J.’s other side of the family out but he feels like he needs to right now.

It all leaves Jensen feeling very confused and like he wants to cry…or punch someone…or do both.

Getting lost in his thoughts, he lets the bottle slip from A.J.’s mouth and stares at nothing. His son makes a wet sound of protest and brings Jensen back to the task at hand. “Sorry, buddy. Your dad’s got… _a lot_ on his mind.”

A.J. appears to forgive him quickly, going back to eating with greedy pulls of formula and making happy, puppy-like sounds that Jensen’s never heard him make before. It makes him laugh and relax against the chair’s back. “You like it here, don’t you?” he asks the baby with a soft smile. “Yeah, well I do too. Maybe,” he lets out a laugh bordering on sounding dreamlike, “maybe we shouldn’t go home. We’ll just stay here forever. What do you think?”

“I like the sound of that,” Jared states when he walks into the room, clearly overhearing the private father and son conversation. His hair is towel dried and looks as such and low slung sweatpants are resting on his hips.

“Jesus,” Jensen shouts as he flinches at the surprise of Jared’s voice joining the room. “You scared the shit out of me.” He’s too startled to feel embarrassment over the fact that Jared just heard what he suggested to A.J. but as soon as his heart rate starts dropping, his cheeks flush red and he wishes he could bury himself under the house’s welcome mat and disappear.

“I didn’t mean to disturb you like that…sorry,” Jared says with a shrug and an innocent smile.

From the look of that smile, Jensen knows Jared’s got thoughts – _big ones_ – going on in his head. He clears his throat and braves asking a question. “How much of that did you hear?”

“Oh…you know…not much,” Jared smirks. “only… _all_ of it.”

“Shit. I’m sorry Jared. I’m not trying to sound greedy or like you haven’t done enough for us already. I was just sayin’, since A.J. seems so happy, that I’m sure he would like to…” Jensen’s fumbling with the apology and isn’t sure if he’s really sorry at all or what he’s supposed to say next. Because, really? Essentially, he did say he and A.J. want to stay in Jared’s house on a more permanent basis and that’s just _insane_. He doesn’t want Jared to think that they are going to become some crazy squatters or something; he’s completely aware of how bizarre it must seem to Jared – to the world – that, even after years apart, Jensen might actually want to stay.

“Stop apologizing. I meant it. You and A.J. staying here.” Jared’s speech dissolves into short sentences but he gets his point across while nervously scratching at the back of his head and looking away for a moment. “But…you know…we gotta talk. We’ve got a lot of things to figure out and I know it’s just a crazy idea. Just wanted you to know that I really do like the sound of it.” He licks his lips and gives Jensen a smile.

“Oh,” is all Jensen is capable of saying. He busies himself with A.J., putting the finished bottle to the side and propping the baby over his shoulder so he can thump a palm against his back. He almost said something stupid to the tune of, “I like the fact that you like the sound of it,” but he takes the distraction A.J. is giving him and focuses on his son. Dropping a kiss to A.J.’s temple, Jensen finds himself humming to the baby as his hand keeps steadily patting his tiny back. When A.J. lets out a solid burp, Jensen’s lips hike up into a smile. “Good job!” Either he’s getting better at this or A.J.’s being a lot easier, but they seem to have found a rhythm. Almost on its own, his hand starts rubbing circles over A.J.’s back and he finally looks Jared in the eye again. “Your brother called.”

“He did?” Jared sits on the couch, legs spread so he can lean forward and rest an elbow on each knee. “What’d he want?”

“Told me they caught the people who broke into my place. He said they were two men working for A.J.’s grandparents. Actually, A.J.’s grandparents paid crazy amounts of money to these guys. He said he took the men into custody and had a long talk with Kim and Joe – those are Aaron’s parents. They confessed _eventually_ and Jeff thinks I’ve got enough ammunition to make sure no one takes A.J. away from me.”

“That’s great!” Jared says with a wide smile. “Jensen…that’s awesome. Right?”

“Yeah. It’s great.” Jensen smiles. Jared’s enthusiasm warms him to the core and he wants to linger there. He’d been relieved when Jeff told him the news, but disclosing it with Jared, having someone else to share in this minor victory, makes it all the sweeter. He lets himself revel in that. “It’s a relief. I…I spend every day figuring out how A.J. fits into my life and…it’s like, every day that passes, he’s more a part of me.” He twists his head to look at A.J. Due to their positioning, it’s a difficult stretch but he’s able to see his son’s face. “You might just be stuck with me, kid.” With a laugh, he notices the way A.J.’s gone limp, asleep for one of the most important moments thus far in his short life. “He’s asleep. I should…put him down for the night.”

“Need help?”

“He’s nine pounds. I think I can handle it,” Jensen says with a friendly smile. He gets to his feet and disappears upstairs. All the while, his head is swimming with what Jared said and fanatical thoughts about what that could mean.

Opening the guest room door, Jensen places his son down in the bassinette, taking a moment to soak him in. “Sweet dreams, A.J.,” he whispers as he leans down and places a kiss on his cheek. “You sleep tight. Your daddy’s got a lot of things to think about…talk about…” Swallowing, Jensen tries to stifle the way worry always kicks in when he’s about to leave A.J. alone. He has to remind himself that they are safe in Jared’s house and takes a calming breath or two before he’s ready to rejoin Jared.

Stepping backwards out of the room so he can pull the door closed enough to leave it open a crack, Jensen bumps into something solid in the hallway. Spinning around, he finds that Jared is standing right there and they are suddenly too close. Aside from the friendly gesture of Jared watching out for him while they share a bed and get some sleep, they haven’t been this close in a long time and Jensen’s heart jumps into overdrive. “Jay,” he lets out as a whispered gasp, brain still trying to rationalize the fact that their bodies are pressed together in a solid line of contact.

“So…” Jared wonders out loud. He shifts one leg forward, adding more pressure to their connection.

“So, we should talk.” Jensen wets his lips and looks up at Jared. There are lots of things about Jared that are new. He’s not the teenager Jensen fell in love with; he’s a lot taller and filled out considerably. His eyes, however, are the same. So is the mole he always thought gave Jared character and his dimples. Jensen’s fighting against the desire to kiss each one of them. It’s a strong feeling and he’s not quite sure why he’s fighting against it. His heart seems to think it’s a good idea.

They stay frozen like that and Jensen swears that it’s not just his own heart he hears hammering away. There is definitely a harmony to it, like it’s happening in tandem with Jared’s. “We should talk,” Jensen repeats dumbly.

“Yeah, we should.”

They’re both in agreement about talking, which is a good thing. It means they can go back downstairs and _talk_ about what is happening between them. They’re grown adults who can come to an understanding about things and talking is a good starting point.

Too bad Jensen’s not listing to that logic.

He pushes himself forward and crashes his lips against Jared’s. There is absolutely no downtime between initiating the kiss and Jared getting involved in it. Jared’s looping his arms around Jensen’s waist and kissing back, almost as if he would have started the kiss on his own had Jensen hesitated for one millisecond.

Everything happens so quickly that Jensen’s not sure he can actually pinpoint how each moment sprawls into the next. It’s like waiting eight years to kiss again was too much and, now that they’ve started, they have to make up for it by dissolving into a series of intense kisses.

Their hands are everywhere, almost like they’re trying to figure out what to do or where they belong on each man’s adult form. Things are different but when Jared sweeps his tongue into Jensen’s mouth, it comes with a reassuring sense of comfort and familiar territory. Jensen stumbles a bit in his attempt to press more of his weight against Jared, but Jared grabs him, pulling him close and ensuring their lips don’t go very far from each other’s.

“We gotta talk,” Jensen mumbles in between kisses and he’s not entirely sure he actually got syllables out. He moans when Jared pushes him up against a wall, grabs his jaw so he can turn his face away to expose a stretch of neck and starts kissing and sucking his way up towards Jensen’s ear. It feels _good_ and makes Jensen’s knees go weak. “Fuck,” he sighs, sounding like he’s wrecked already.

“This is talking,” Jared whispers in Jensen’s ear.

Jensen can feel the way Jared’s breath flutters across his skin and it makes him shiver. He’s stuck on the idea that Jared’s a genius and, yes, they totally are talking. Breaking out of Jared’s hold, Jensen flips them around so that Jared’s against the wall and he can kiss the man’s surprised lips. The kiss is long and perfect, ending with Jensen sucking Jared’s bottom lip into his mouth and tugging on it playfully before slotting their legs together again. “We should keep talking then.”

“Yeah,” Jared says, his voice shaky and thrumming with desire. “We have all night. And we’ve got a lot of things to talk about. Like this,” he whispers as he places a kiss on Jensen’s lips.

“And this,” Jensen adds, finally giving in and kissing one of Jared’s dimples. “And this,” he says as he kisses the other one. The fact that he’s actually letting himself have a moment of simple pleasure makes Jensen’s heart explode. He kisses each of Jared’s dimples again, sweet and soft gestures, before he goes back to kissing Jared’s lips. His action loses all of its sweetness, turning eager and intense.

They are kissing for a long time. It hasn’t been just the two of them for years and the thrill of that has adrenaline coursing through Jensen’s veins. It’s both new and exciting while still feeling like coming home at the same time. In truth, Jensen hasn’t been with _anyone_ in over a year; he couldn’t rationalize dating while being Josh and Aaron’s surrogate. He needs this moment on so many different levels. He’s pulled out of his realization when Jared stops kissing him. “Jay, what?”

Jared’s cheeks look flushed and his lips are parted so they can take rapid shallow breaths. Jared’s eyes seem to contradict his previous action, letting Jensen know how much Jared wants to keep going. He raises a hand so that his thumb can brush over Jensen’s lips, the pad of it dragging across the plush bottom lip and pulling it down slightly. “Jen…I wanna keep kissing you but I gotta know if this is okay. ‘Cause if it’s too much, then…you know…that’s okay. We can stop. But if you’re okay with it…I’d like to keep going. Maybe…maybe more?” He sounds hopeful and the smile he gives Jensen reaches his eyes, practically lighting up the dim hallway.

Jensen has to swallow to give himself time to think about what Jared just said. The man looks adorable and Jensen’s transported back to high school when they first did this in the gym locker room. Only, then, Jensen was the one asking for permission. He understands why the roles are reversed now. Jensen’s the one with a lot on his plate and another person to take care of; he’s got more of a drain on his emotional reserves. “Jay…I…I’m a mess.”

“Stop saying that,” Jared practically growls. He boarders on sounding angry and Jensen flinches for a second. As soon as the moment washes over them, Jared knits his eyebrows and gives his head an apologetic shake. “I’m sorry…I didn’t mean…” He sighs and brings both hands up to cup Jensen’s face. “It’s just that, you’re not a mess. _You’re not_. You’re… _you_. It’s okay if, for once in your life, you can’t control things. That doesn’t make you a mess. It just makes you… _human_.”

The words hit Jensen’s ears and he can’t help himself. He surges forward and kisses Jared with more passion than earlier. He wraps his arms around Jared’s neck and they’re pulled away from the wall, back into the hallway so they can figure out how to hold on to each other. Jared _gets_ him; even after all these years, Jared still makes things seem simple.

“Okay. I’m not a mess. But I’m _wounded_ ,” Jensen breathes out for lack of a better word. “And…I want all this…I want you in my life again…if that’s okay with you?”

Jared shivers and lets out a hopeful gasp. His palms slide up Jensen’s back and land on his shoulder blades, keeping him close and steady at the same time. “Yeah, that’s okay with me.”

“We still need to _talk_ ,” Jensen says as he dodges a kiss. He’d much rather busy Jared’s mouth with his tongue than with words but he’s got to get this out.

“I know,” Jared says and tries to go in for a kiss again. He’s thwarted once more and pouts at Jensen.

“I mean it.” Jensen shakes his head and smiles. “‘Cause I can’t promise anything right now. I need to go slow and…and I’ll probably be a stressed out basket-case until this lawsuit with Aaron’s parents is settled. It might not be much fun for you – ”

Jared cuts Jensen off with a finger pressed to his lips. “Being with you wasn’t always about _fun_. It was about a lot of other things too. And slow sounds prefect.” Smirking, he tugs Jensen closer. “So, can I kiss you now?”

Jensen’s answer is to press a smile against Jared’s lips. Their mouths open to work against each other’s and it’s like clockwork. There is no figuring out how to tilt their heads or when to get greedy and demand more. It just happens.

That fact has Jensen feeling like he’s going to be okay. _This_ is the right decision. It’s not too soon or at the wrong time. He thinks, maybe, it’s just exactly when it is supposed to happen.

Jared steps forward, the action making Jensen walk backwards towards Jared’s bedroom. “So…am I breaking the ‘going slow’ rule if I say I want to take you to bed with me right now?”

Jensen’s gut reaction is to jump on that offer but warning bells start going off in his head. A.J. is sleeping in his bedroom and he’s terrified of leaving him alone while ‘distracting’ himself with other things. He’s also just had a baby four weeks ago. There are a lot of reasons why he should refuse Jared’s offer, even though he’s flattered to the core that the man finds his postpartum body attractive enough to sleep with. Biting his lower lip, he pulls away and offers the only words he thinks can explain his dilemma. “I just had a baby.”

“I know that,” Jared says with a laugh.

“And I can’t have – ”

“ – penetrative sex for another two weeks,” Jared finishes for Jensen.

Jensen pulls back in surprise over Jared’s ability to fill in the blanks.

“I’m not a doctor but I am an EMT. I know things, Jen,” Jared offers as an explanation. “Besides, I’m not asking you to make good on the promise to bottom for me that you made eight years ago. I…” Jared makes a shy smile and licks his lips. “I _didn’t_ have a baby and you can…penetrate me if you want to.”

The literal formulation of Jared’s words have no right to be causing the rush of desire in Jensen’s gut. He feels his dick twitch at the thought and has no idea how Jared can make the word “penetrate” sound so appealing at this moment. He swallows thickly and blinks at Jared for a few seconds before finding his voice. “Jay…that’s…god, I _want_ that. But…I’m sore in places I don’t want to think about and…” he stops talking because he doesn’t know what to say. Instead, he kisses Jared’s lips softly. It solves nothing but it feels a hell of a lot better than stammering and thinking about his body issues.

“We’ll figure something out,” Jared says against Jensen’s lips. “Please say yes.”

“I don’t look like I used to,” Jensen whispers.

“Yeah, well, I don’t either.”

Jensen laughs at Jared’s failed attempt to commiserate. “That’s not exactly a bad thing.” Jared’s got muscle and a broad chest. Jensen’s got baby weight. Not precisely the same type of “change”.

“You’re fucking gorgeous, Jen. I meant it when I said A.J. is gorgeous, just like his daddy.” Jared slips his hands into the rear pockets of Jensen’s jeans and squeezes his ass enough to let the man know he means it.

“Oh, hell,” Jensen breathes out in defeat. He wants this too and he stops fighting. “Yes.” Pressing himself against Jared, an amused snort leaves his mouth when he feels the other man’s hardened dick brushing against him.

Then they’re kissing again but, before Jared can usher him towards his bedroom, Jensen pulls away and pushes the guest room’s door open to its fullest extent. “Just in case he cries,” Jensen explains. Then he brushes past Jared, grabbing his hand and tugging him to the bedroom. He leaves the door open, which is kind of silly because A.J. is _loud_ and he’ll hear him if he starts crying but it makes Jensen feel better none the less.

Jensen is full of nerves he hasn’t had for years and it exhilarates him. They end up on the bed, lying on their sides, kissing and exploring each other’s bodies for more time than Jensen could have imagined. Jared loses his sweatpants and reveals that he’s been going commando the whole time. The sight of Jared nude causes Jensen to take a sharp inhale of breath. The man is beautiful and Jensen’s fingers twitch at the chance to get his hands on those hips and that dick.

“Like what you see?” Jared asks with a raised eyebrow and a smirk.

“Hell, yeah.” The reach towards Jared is instinctual for Jensen, one hand extended to stroke Jared’s cock, curling his fingers around it to test its weight and girth.

The ripple of pleasure that hits Jared makes his eyes flutter closed and he moans in a way that urges Jensen to continue with his actions.

Jensen knows, if he wanted to, he could get Jared off this way. He’d actually like that; it makes him feel good to know that he can still make the man fall apart and cause those sinfully sexy sounds coming from Jared’s lips.

Jared, however, has other plans. The man grabs Jensen’s wrist and halts his actions. “As much as I’d like to just lay here and let you have your way with me, I feel a bit underdressed for this situation.” He tugs at Jensen’s clothing to prove the point.

“I, um,” Jensen bites his lip and shakes his head but Jared gives him a pleading look, making him powerless to deny the man. Closing his eyes, he lets Jared work him out of his clothing. It’s stupid, but he thinks that if he can’t see Jared then maybe Jared can’t see him.

Jared _can_. It’s obvious in the way he sucks in a breath and sighs. “God, Jensen…you’re crazy. You just had a baby and you look like _this_?” He presses his face to Jensen’s softer middle and trails kisses up, over Jensen’s chest, and lands on his lips.

Jensen opens his eyes so he can watch. He knows he looks pretty good for four weeks postpartum but he’s lost a lot of definition and looks kind of _bloated_. “I’ve looked better,” he says weakly.

“Then I look forward to seeing you get back to that. But…you look _great_ , Jen.” Jared rolls his hips and presses into Jensen.

That promise, of doing this again and having more opportunities for Jared to see Jensen’s body whip back into shape, makes Jensen smile. It riles him up and he grabs Jared’s face, kissing like it’s all they know how to do. He never thought he’d be 27 and so aroused by kissing Jared silly but he is and Jared’s dick definitely wants more because it’s leaving sticky traces of pre-come against Jensen’s thigh.

Pupils lust blown, Jared comes up for air. “I wanna ride you, Jen. Is that okay? Can I do that?”

“Fuck, yes,” Jensen says, his own dick wet at the tip and achingly hard.

Jared fumbles with his nightstand table and pulls out a bottle of lube. “Wanna open me up?”

Jensen knows how to do this part. He’s nodding while taking the bottle, slicking up his fingers and pushing Jared back onto the mattress with his clean hand. They fall onto their sides again but Jared hikes on leg up high and open, curling it over Jensen’s body so the man can have access to his anus. Jensen’s heart hammers faster and he kisses along Jared’s neck while he gets the courage to take things further. He hits one of Jared’s hot spots, sucking a bruise into the man’s neck, and Jared lets out a moan that hurdles Jensen to a point where he _can’t_ turn back. He’s doing this and his fingers trace the tight ring of muscle Jared’s exposing for him. Jared takes a breath and Jensen pushes one finger in to the knuckle.

“Jen,” Jared says on a moan and presses closer to the feeling of Jensen inside of him.

“Shh.” Jensen kisses Jared’s head and gets to work. He gives the man a second to adjust to one finger before adding another and another. It takes all three fingers to have Jared panting. Wondering if Jared still works the same way he did eight years ago, Jensen curls his fingers and uses his other hand to give the man’s balls a gentle squeeze before fondling them.

Jared shouts and arches off the mattress, reaffirming that, yes, he does still have the same triggers.

Jensen does it a few more times then keeps his fingers still entirely and gives some attention to Jared’s balls. He always loved how that drove Jared wild and he uses that knowledge to his advantage.

“Jensen, I’m good. I…you’re killin’ me. I’m gonna come right here and now if you don’t stop.” Jared pants out, looking at Jensen with hooded eyes.

“Wouldn’t be such a bad thing. You still moan so pretty for me.” Jensen kisses Jared softly and grins.

“You still know how to wreck me,” Jared says with a breathy laugh. He pulls Jensen’s hand away, mourning the loss of Jensen’s fingers as they slip out. With a languid cat crawl, Jared positions himself over Jensen hips, pitching forward and bracing his weight by placing a palm on either side of Jensen’s head.

As much as Jensen wants Jared to sink down on his dick, he freezes. “Jared! Condom!”

“I’m clean,” Jared says a little dreamily.

“I know,” Jensen says because it seems like the right thing to say even though he doesn’t know at all. “But you know… _other things_. Like… _baby things_.”

“Oh!” Jared returns to the nightstand drawer and takes out a foil packet, tossing it on Jensen’s chest.

Jensen does the rest, ripping open the package and rolling the latex down his dick. He’s done for barely a second when Jared’s long legs are straddling him again.

“Let me know if it’s too much for you,” Jared says as he ducks his head so that their foreheads touch. “I’ll be gentle…I know _things_ hurt for you.” Then, as gently as possible, Jared lowers all his weight onto Jensen’s arousal so that the entire length is sheathed inside him in one smooth action.

The air is punched out of Jensen’s lungs because the heat of it all is too much. Jared feels tight and perfect around his dick and he gasps.

“You okay?” Jared asks with alarm in his voice.

“Isn’t that what I’m supposed to ask you?” Jensen laughs and relaxes back onto the pillow. “I’m _great_. You feel _amazing_.” Jensen coasts his arms up Jared’s body and holds them under the man’s jaw so he can brush his thumbs over Jared’s cheeks.

“You too,” Jared admits shyly. He licks his lips before he raises his hips and begins the whole process of sinking down on Jensen’s cock all over again. A pretty little gasp leaves his mouth and he closes his eyes, seemingly losing himself to the motion.

Jared’s true to his word; he takes his time and everything is slow and tender. It’s not the rushed and hurried sex they had when they were teens. There isn’t any fear of someone walking in on them. And Jensen thinks he understands a lot more about love now than he did then. He gets what Jared’s doing. He understand the sentiment behind it.

Jared keeps himself upright for a while, leaving his palms on Jensen’s chest for leverage so he can keep up the rise and fall of his hips but Jensen’s dick seems to flip a switch inside Jared and he falls forward with a gasp. Jensen catches him with a smile and crashes their lips together. They’re both panting now and the sweat building between them makes the slip and slide of their bodies easier.

Jensen feels Jared fluttering around his dick and his toes curl. “Right there, Jay,” he moans out and bites his lower lip to keep himself from coming just yet.

Jared gets the message and does it again. He’s letting out loud pants of air, lips permanently parted now as his whole body flushes with exertion. His dick is bobbing against his belly with each movement and he groans when Jensen reaches out and fists it to the same rhythm of Jared’s hips. “Oh!” Jared gasps and squeezes his eyes closed.

It takes a few pumps of Jensen’s fist, but, in the end, Jared screams out Jensen’s name and comes in wet messy spurts between their bellies. His hips are almost spasming as the orgasm washes through him.

Jensen watches Jared lose it and explodes. He grabs Jared, needing him close before he finally gives up on trying to hold off his own climax. When he comes, his arms are around Jared and their lips are fumbling with kisses in between gasps for air. Jensen’s dick twitches and fills the condom as they ride out their highs together, all of their movements slowing down to an unhurried pace.

“Jared,” he breathes out against the man’s sweaty temple. He says the name again and again because he can’t figure out how else to let the man know that he’s being hit with a thousand feelings about him.

Jared laughs but it sounds a bit wet, likes he’s tearing up. It makes Jensen pull away and look him in the eye to find that he’s right but Jensen feels his own eyes getting blurry with tears and he understands. “Jay,” he says again and kisses him softly, dissolving into tiny kisses across his whole face.

Jared laughs again as a result of Jensen’s kisses and the look on his face makes Jensen’s heart yearn to swallow Jared whole.

It seems that neither man trusts words at the moment because aside from trying to catch their breaths, all they can do is touch each other, kiss, and laugh playfully. Jared reaches back and grabs the base of the condom so he can pull off of Jensen and collapse next to him.

When they do find the ability to speak, it’s Jensen that breaks the silence. “Jeff said I can move back to my apartment.”

“Yeah?” Jared says, but his face is buried in Jensen’s neck and it’s hard to read him.

“Yeah.” Jensen turns. “Jared?”

“Mmm hmm?”

“I’m not moving in here.” Jensen says because as much as that is a tempting offer, it also speaks of a rapid destruction of his and Jared’s new relationship. They’d burn out too quick if Jensen doesn’t allow himself time to put himself back together.

“I figured,” Jared sighes. “It was just a silly thought. I told you that I knew it sounded insane.”

“Nah, not insane. It was…optimistic.” Jensen kisses Jared’s nose once before finally getting a chance to kiss the mole beside it. “But…I’d like to move in. One day. When and if we come to that path. I’d really like to. And I think A.J. would like it too.”

“But we’re taking it slow,” Jared elaborates.

“Yeah. For now. And that’s okay, right?”

“Can we do _this_ again?” Jared asks as he slots their legs together.

“I’d like to. If you’d have me.”

“Do you even have to ask?” Jared presses their bodies flush and knocks their heads together. “Spend the night in my bed. Please?”

It’s the first time Jensen’s even been presented with sleeping more than arms reach from his son. He thinks it’ll be good for both of them to get used to that situation. A.J. is perfectly safe in his bassinette and Jensen’s only doing what any normal parent should do. And if he gets up in the middle of the night just to make sure A.J.’s still breathing, he knows Jared won’t fault him for it. “Yeah, I think that’s a really good idea.”

Jared looks partially surprised along with the happy smile on his face. He reaches over and grabs a few tissues to clean up most of their mess before settling on the mattress again. “A.J.’s going to be fine, Jen,” he says, like he’s reading Jensen’s mind.

“I know.” For the first time, Jensen really does know. And he’s going to be just fine as well.

[ ](https://www.flickr.com/photos/85421651@N04/15526896721)


	5. Family Ties

[ ](https://www.flickr.com/photos/85421651@N04/15526893681)

“Jensen,” Jared says for the hundredth time but the man seems to have gone deaf. “Jensen!”

Jensen stops pacing the room and turns to face Jared. He looks dazed and startled. “What?”

“Stop pacing and sit down so you can eat something? God, it feels like a quarter of the time we spend together, I make sure you eat.”

“I’m not hungry,” Jensen says as he starts pacing again.

“Bull shit. You haven’t eaten all day.” Jared gets up and, with the arm not holding A.J., physically restrains Jensen from pacing a worn path in the floor. “Come on. Sit down.”

“Gimme him,” is the only response Jared gets as Jensen reaches out and pulls A.J. to his chest. The baby goes willingly, loving every moment he gets to bask in Jensen’s adoration. Now that he’s holding his head up, he’s more expressive and searches out Jensen as soon as he hears his father’s voice.

“Jensen! Sit! Down!” Jared’s voice echoes through Jensen’s small apartment. He’s not angry with Jensen but he is concerned. The man is going to fizzle out and explode if he doesn’t decompress.

That has Jensen’s attention and he sits on the nearest object, which happens to be the coffee table. “Am I being crazy?”

“A _little_ bit,” Jared says as he holds his thumb a forefinger a few inches apart to emphasize his sarcasm.

“Fuck,” he winces at the word and Jared knows it’s because Jensen’s been trying to stop cursing around A.J. “I’m sorry, Jared. I…I’m just freaking out. Okay?”

“Clearly.” Jared takes a seat on the couch opposite from Jensen and leans forward to place a hand on each other of Jensen’s legs. “It’s going to be okay?”

“How? How is it going to be okay? They’re asking me to leave my baby with two people who have, in the past, told me they would steal him from me and make sure I never see him again.” Jensen squares his jaw and snorts through his nose. He kisses A.J.’s head, another snort ruffling the baby’s brown hair.

Jared knows how hard all of this is for Jensen since he’s practically been involved since the beginning. “I know…but that was the past. And this is a court appointed visit. It’s not something you can avoid. And…it’s just an hour. That’s all. There will be plenty of people to make sure Kim and Joe don’t try to do anything.”

“I know…but…what if they make me leave the room? They can do that, you know. And…I know people will be there but I don’t want A.J. to think I’m abandoning him.”

“He’d _never_ think that, Jen. That kid loves you. Right, little guy?” Jared says as he strokes a thumb over A.J.’s cheek. The baby smiles and melts Jared’s heart. He loves how much A.J. looks like Jensen now but he knows he looks even more like Josh. His eyes are bluer than ever and A.J.’s face is rounder than his father’s. He gets stuck on that train of thought and speaks it out loud. “God, you’re cute. You know that, don’t you?”

That finally breaks through to Jensen and he laughs. “Me or the baby?”

“Both. But at the moment, I was talking to A.J.”

“He is pretty darn cute, isn’t he?” Jensen smiles proudly and pulls A.J. away from his chest enough to get a good look at him. “He’s so big. He was _so_ little before.”

“I know.”

“No. I mean…he was _so_ little,” Jensen says with a pout.

“I know, Jen. I was there when he was born. Kinda pulled him out of you, remember?” Jared shakes his head and laughs.

“Don’t remind me.” Jensen shifts A.J. so that he’s sitting on his lap, facing out towards Jared.

Jared looks at the baby’s smiley face and melts all over again. “Where did you get those long eyelashes, huh, A.J.?”

“From Aaron, probably,” Jensen answers. “He got his pretty olive skin from him too.” Pausing, Jensen frowns. “Aaron would love him.”

“Jen,” Jared warns, knowing exactly what path they are heading down and he thinks Jensen’s had his fair share of tears shed over things than cannot be.

“I know, Jay. But…sometimes I just think about how much Aaron would love him. Josh too.” Jensen rests his chin gently on the top of A.J.’s head and sighs.

“Probably as much as you love him.”

“That’s impossible,” Jensen huffs. “I don’t think anyone can love him as much as me.”

“That’s good, ‘cause he seems to love you too,” Jared says as A.J. twists enough to put his tiny hands on Jensen’s face, fingers grabbing his father’s lips with clumsy dexterity. “And I love you too, even though you are a complete nervous wreck right now.” Jared leans forward to kiss Jensen’s lips, also kissing A.J.’s fingers in the process. “Love you too, little guy,” Jared says as he kisses A.J. properly on the cheek.

Jensen looks deep in thought for a moment. “You do love him, don’t you?”

“Of course I do. You know that.” Jared shakes his head and kisses Jensen again. This time, Jensen leans in for the kiss, pressing his own lips against Jared’s with more intensity.

When Jensen pulls back, he looks more like himself. “God, I really am sorry, Jared. I’m just scared. And you’ve been so great about this whole thing. And…” he trails off and sighs.

“And?” Jared prompts.

“And I love you for being so amazing right now and a thousand other reasons. Thank god A.J. and I have you.” Jensen smiles and bites his lower lip.

Jared knows that Jensen loves him, has known since the man broke down in his dining room and told him such. But he doesn’t really need those words. It’s evident in everything Jensen does, especially the fact that he trusts A.J. with Jared. But the words never fail to melt Jared’s heart.

“It’s going to be okay,” Jensen says out loud and Jared’s not sure who he is trying to convince of that fact. Looking at Jared, Jensen continues, “I just want it to be over. I can’t believe Kim and Joe got a judge to agree to this. They are A.J.’s grandparents, and I originally wanted him to have a chance to know them but this all feels forced and wrong.”

“It is what it is, Jen.”

“I know.” Jensen looks at the clock and lets out a huff. “We gotta get going. You sure you don’t mind coming with us?”

“Are you serious? There is no way I'm letting you go alone. Plus, Jeff is going to be there too because…well…he’s not the biggest fan of Kim and Joe.”

“That’s good,” Jensen says after a sigh of relief.

“So I’m going with you,” Jared insists. “But you’re eating something first. I don’t care if it’s a granola bar. You’re eating.”

“You’re not going to back down on that, are you?” Jensen asks, even as he’s getting up to retrieve a granola bar from the kitchen.

“Nope. I’d have you eat the whole damn box if I had my way. You’re getting too skinny,” Jared teases.

“I’m _not_ getting _too_ skinny.”

“Yeah, well,” Jared says with a shrug. The man’s right, Jensen isn’t too skinny but Jared’s found him skipping meals every time he gets overwhelmed with anything involving legal issues. Standing up, he shrugs. “Guess we better go.”

[ ](https://www.flickr.com/photos/85421651@N04/15526892761)

Jensen isn’t happy with this.

At all.

He’s clinging onto A.J. like a lifeline and every time he looks at the baby, he knows his son is feeding off of that nervous energy. A.J. looks tense and unsure if he should cry or be fussy.

“Shh, it’s okay. Daddy has you.” Jensen repeats for the eighth time, this time more for his benefit than A.J.’s.

He understands why the judge agreed to a chance at a court appointed supervised visit. It’s not a permanent situation, more of a trial basis to see how things go. Jensen’s gut tells him that it’s not going to go very well at all but he’s still here, willing to try even though he’s scared shitless.

He’s glad everything is taking place in the family courthouse, where the whole interaction will be monitored by a third party supervisor. He’s also glad there are security protocols in the building and no one will be leaving the grounds with his son but himself.

“Jensen Ackles?” A woman calls as she walks into the waiting room. She smiles politely when she sees Jensen turn towards her. “We’re ready for you now. If you would just follow me. Mr. and Mrs. Sutherland are already set up in a room.”

“Oh, okay,” Jensen responds dumbly as he follows her. He feels like he’s in a bit of a trance. Stopping, he turns to look anxiously for Jared. “Jay?”

“Right here,” Jared says, taking a hand that Jensen didn’t realize he reached out towards the man.

They walk together and Jensen can feel the way Jared’s hand is tensing in his own.

“Um, ‘mam?” Jared asks.

“Yes?” The woman says politely as she turns.

“What’s going to happen in _there_?” Jared’s voice is full of protective energy and worry.

“I,” the woman pauses and licks her lip. “No one prepped you for this?”

Both men shake their heads.

Taking on a sympathetic look, she squeezes Jared’s shoulder reassuringly. “I’m sorry about that. You poor things.” She tsks with her tongue and shakes her head. “Well, you don’t need to worry. We’ve set up a room with someone who will be supervising the whole visit. Should anything go wrong, they will step in and end the visit, no questions asked. The child’s safety is a top priority, and you need to know that.” She takes a deep breath. “I know it’s scary but I need you to know that the judge’s decree allows for the other party to request you leave the room or the duration of the visit. If that happens, someone will escort you out of the room so that you can wait outside for the remainder of the visit.”

“Oh,” Jensen says for the second time, seemingly stuck on single syllable responses.

“It’s going to be okay,” the woman says as she pats Jensen’s shoulder.

“That’s what people keep telling me.” Jensen sighs and follows along when the woman starts moving again. “Jay, what if they kick me out?”

“It’ll be okay. There is someone in the room to make sure A.J. is safe, remember?”

“Yeah…” but whatever Jensen was going to say is cut off by the time they reach the room and he feels like his stomach drops out.

The door is pushed open and everyone’s eyes turn towards Jensen. For the first time in a long while, Jensen is face to face with Aaron’s parents and they don’t look too happy with him. Surprisingly, instead of staring at Jensen, they both seem to focus on the area where Jensen and Jared’s hands have become fused together.

“Who’s that?” Kim says with a venomous twang to her words.

Jared goes to respond but Jensen gets there first. “Jared. My boyfriend.” Jensen puffs up his chest and glares at them, daring them to say anything further. The reveal feels _amazing_. It’s not only the first time he’s introduced Jared as such, but it’s also the first time he’s had so much strength in front of the Sutherlands.

“Really?” Jared mouths as he turns to blink at Jensen.

The rest of the surroundings fade out for a moment and Jensen nods. “Yeah. Of course.” He tries to give a smile despite feeling so nervous he could pee himself.

Joe breaks the connection between the two men with a shout. “Well, we don’t want him here.” He points an accusatory finger at Jared, as if the man could have possibly done something to offend him.

A guard touches Jared lightly on the shoulder, a look of compassion in his eyes. “I’m sorry sir, but I’m going to have to ask you to leave.”

Nodding quickly, Jared goes to follow the guard before retreating and pressing a kiss to Jensen’s lips. “You’re amazing. Don’t let them make you feel otherwise.”

Jensen’s heart skips a beat and he reaches up a hand to touch Jared’s cheek, pulling him in for one more chaste kiss before the guard gets more insistent and tugs at Jared’s elbow.

Left without Jared, Jensen stands in the room unsure of what to do.

“Come here, baby,” Kim says as she gets to her feet and reaches out to take A.J.

Every fiber in Jensen’s bones is against releasing the child into her arms. He holds on tighter for a moment before he sees the supervising representative nod her head that he should let Kim take A.J.

He almost blacks out when Kim gets a hold on A.J. He’s watching his greatest fear and is powerless to do anything about it. Kim retreats to the couch Joe is sitting on and props the baby on her lap.

A.J looks unhappy with the situation but unsure of what he can do to soothe himself. He blinks big eyes up at the stranger who took him away from his daddy and his face scrunches in distress.

Jensen’s on the verge of hyperventilating, vision dimming as he breathes too rapidly and shallowly. Kim’s words, bitter and disapproving, cut through all of it and make him focus on her.

“He looks _nothing_ like Aaron,” Kim says, making it clear that she’s disgusted by the fact.

“No. He doesn’t. I thought he’d at least look a little like Aaron.” Joe shakes his head in disappointment. “But no…he looks like Josh and _him_.”

‘Him’ is the word the Sutherlands always use for Jensen and he’s been able to ignore it until now. Hearing Aaron’s parents talk about A.J. like he’s some type of mistake or not the person he should be makes rage explode in Jensen’s chest.

“I’m not a _‘him’_ ; I’m A.J.’s other father! And he looks like me because _I_ gave birth to him. And even if he didn’t, he’d still be mine. He’s Aaron’s too! Just because he’s not what you thought he’d be doesn’t mean he’s any less perfect.” Jensen feels himself shaking.

A.J. responds to Jensen’s voice. He searches it out and twists to find Jensen. Once he does, he whimpers and reaches out with searching arms. When Jensen doesn’t close the gap between them and swoop A.J. into his arms like he always does with a peppering of kisses across A.J.'s face, the child screams.

Kim and Joe flinch at the shrill sound of it and Jensen tries to take his son back from them. Kim twists so her body is blocking Jensen from doing so.

“He wants me,” Jensen says. The magnetic pull he always feels when A.J. cries gets stronger and it’s almost painful to keep him from his son at this point.

Kim turns towards the security guard in the room. “Can _he_ leave, please?” she asks sweetly. “We’d like some quality time with our grandson.”

It takes twenty seconds for Jensen to find himself escorted out of the room and in a chair next to Jared.

“Jen, wha – ”

Jensen shakes his head and closes his eyes. He promised himself he wouldn’t cry; he doesn’t want to give Kim and Joe that power over him. The minute Jared’s arms wrap around him, however, he’s sobbing. “He’s crying and screaming for me! He _wants_ me, Jare! And they won’t let me hold him.”

“Shh, it’s going to be okay. Just a little while longer, right? Then we can take him home and make sure he forgets this whole traumatic event.” Jared kisses Jensen’s head and lets his lips linger there.

‘A little while longer’ turns out to be not long at all. Jensen’s still buried in Jared’s chest when he hears a door open, letting him clearly hear the distressed wails of his son. His head jerks upright and he sees the Sutherlands storming towards them.

“What did you do?” Kim yells in his face as she slips past the guard. “He wouldn’t shut up the whole time. Did you brainwash him to hate us?”

Jensen can’t answer with her yelling a few inches away from him. He feels trapped in the moment and torn between pushing past her to get his son and telling her off.

Thankfully, Jared darts into the room and takes A.J. from the supervisor. The baby clings to him, his uneven sobs quieting down almost as soon as he’s against Jared’s chest. Jared kisses his forehead and bounces him soothingly, shushing him the whole time as he exits the room. He’s got his arms protectively around A.J., nodding to make sure Jensen knows the baby if fine.

With that knowledge, Jensen stands up and towers over Kim. “I didn’t do anything to him! You’re just scaring him!”

Joe is at his wife’s side, adding to her argument. “Bullshit. How could we scare him? We just wanted to talk to him but all he does is cry and scream. It got worse after you left.”

“Because you’re treating him like a thing!” Jensen snaps. “He’s a person. Not a possession we can fight over. I _wanted_ him to get to know his grandparents but you….you blew this whole thing out of proportion.” Jensen’s screaming now, voice louder than he meant to but these people have no right to insult his son.

The guards get a hold of Kim and Joe, pulling them away and shoving them out of the room, all while they are mumbling their disappointment over the situation.

“Doesn’t matter. He’s nothing like Aaron anyway,” Joe says with hate towards Jensen before he’s removed from sight.

Jensen decides the Sutherlands aren’t worth his time right now, immediately forgetting them and running towards Jared and A.J. He hugs them both, letting Jared keep his hold on the baby so that Jensen can pull them both into his arms. “I’m sorry, baby,” he says as he kisses A.J.’s tear streaked face. “I’m sorry I left you. I’m never, _ever_ , going to leave you again. Okay?” He kisses him again and laughs when A.J.’s hands find his face. Even though the baby almost pokes his eyes out, Jensen keeps letting out relieved laughter. He pulls A.J.’s hand away from his eye and kisses his tiny fingers. “You’re my little man.”

They don’t move for a bit. There is a bunch of commotion around them, but Jensen knows it has nothing to do with him and everything to do with the Sutherlands’ despicable behavior.

“We’re going home,” Jared says to anyone listening.

No one tries to stop them.

They probably all know better.

[ ](https://www.flickr.com/photos/85421651@N04/15526892761)

Jared is laying in Jensen’s bed, propping himself up on one shoulder so he can look directly at the other man. “Jen, this is a really bad habit.”

“I know,” Jensen says.

Jared laughs because knowing isn’t going to stop Jensen from doing it, especially today. On the drive back from the courthouse, Jared knew things would end up like this. He knew he’d sleep over and hold Jensen tight until worries from the day faded into the background. He also knew there would be a tiny, sleeping infant nestled between them.

Jensen props himself up on his own elbow, leaning forward so he can kiss Jared’s lips. “I know it’s a bad habit. You know it’s a bad habit. But you’re letting me do it because I think both A.J. and I need it right now. I promise, he’ll go back to sleeping in his crib tomorrow. But, tonight? I need to keep him close to my heart, okay?”

Jared looks down at A.J.’s face and can’t say he blames Jensen. The kid is too cute for his own good and he knows Jensen’s still scared over being momentarily helpless to soothe A.J.’s cries. “It’s okay, Jensen. I get it.”

Jensen looks relieved as he lets himself settle comfortably on his side so he can face both A.J. and Jared. His hand finds its way to Jared’s, lacing their fingers together and squeezing.

Feeling a wash of adoration come over him, Jared sighs. He’d do anything Jensen asked of him right now. Smirking, he sinks down onto the pillow. “So…I’m your boyfriend… _again_.”

“Yep. Got a problem with that?”

“Not really. I’m just hoping your boyfriend will get fucked sometime soon, you know, to show your complete adoration.” The playful energy in Jared's words reaches his eyes.

Jensen laughs and shakes his head. “When little guy isn’t in the bed, then, _yes_. You’ll get fucked. Multiple times. Maybe even switch things up.” He leans in for a kiss but Jared’s lips don’t move. “What?”

“You’re serious?” Jared asks, mouth practically gapping like a fish.

“I did promise, Jare. And…I trust you. A lot. So,” Jensen scoots closer, tangling their feet together, “yeah, I’m serious.”

Jared groans and bites his lip. He _loves_ A.J. but he really wishes he wasn’t in the bed right now because he wants to do some very adult things with Jensen. He feels like one of the luckiest men on earth because when he stumbled into this bedroom on the day A.J. was born, almost quite literally, he never thought it would turn out like this. Now, he and Jensen are figuring things out and they’re all the stronger for it. Their sex life is spectacular, even more so considering they work around an infant’s schedule. Jared loves bottoming for Jensen and falling to so many pieces that he’s not sure he’ll even be able to move again. But Jensen offering to let him top? That speaks volumes. It’s not about sex; it’s about trust and they both understand that.

Jensen must pick up on those thoughts because he laughs. “Easy tiger. I’m not ready today. But soon, okay?”

“Soon is good enough for me.” Jared leans forward, finally giving Jensen the kiss he was searching for. “I love you like crazy. Always have.”

“Me too, Jare.” Jensen’s smile reaches his eyes and he is the picture of contentment.

They aren’t who they used to be as teenagers and that’s okay.

They’re something better.

 

[ ](https://www.flickr.com/photos/85421651@N04/15529924352)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THE END???? Actually...there are timestamps planned...you know me.
> 
> Anyway, this was a great round of SPNmpregBB. I had fun participating and I am glad I wrote this story in June before things got crazy with my uncle. I have to say thank you to so many wonderful people who have been really considerate and understanding during this whole ordeal with my uncle. Sometimes I feel like I have no energry and just going on LJ to post or make a comment is daunting. I thank you ALL. I needed to post this story. I needed to have something fun and that reminded me of the fact I love writing. I hope you all enjoyed it too. MUCH LOVE!
> 
> Also - for the strictly Bottom!Jensen people...if you made it this far (and I hope you have), thank you so much. I know my preference for versitile!J2 can be annoying for some, but I thank you.


End file.
